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Would you prefer to have a high-paying job with longer hours or a lower-paying job with shorter hours?

Would you prefer to have a high-paying job with longer hours or a lower-paying job with shorter hours? pa91y
There is no consensus on whether the occupation’s motivation that we tend to pursue is money or time. From my perspective, I find myself strongly inclined to think that handsomely received remuneration would be a better choice. This observation is supported by two principal reasons that I will discuss in the subsequent paragraphs. First, a higher salary will stimulate us on remaining in our career for a long period of time. My personal experience is a compelling illustration of this. Due to the excellent GPA, my brother was employed in a financial company right after graduating. Despite the absence of experience, his job performance was outstanding, which made his salary increased exponentially. However, after ten years of strict job’ requirements toleration, he abandoned it and found a different place that has a more wholesome atmosphere for him to work in relaxing status. Initially, he conceived that this would content him with non-pressure, but the oppression of poverty pushed him to a harsher one. The low salary could not help him to bear with the basic needs and gradually drove him to a no strong urge to desire for doing his task anymore. He said that: “I would rather receive a copious paid with little entertainment time than receive more free time but have no money to enjoy that”. Subsequently, he turned back to his old job and endure it until now. Second, deserved gratification would create a profusion of advantages for young people to save or invest money. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. If I work extra hours, I will be paid more by welfares and allowances which help me gain more money. Moreover, working long hours evidentially would maximally decrease my spending money on occasions like hanging out with friends, shopping, or vacating. Therefore, by perseverance, at least after ten years of devoting my strength to work, my saving accounts would be significantly multiplied and enough for me to pay all spheres out of our lives. And if I could, I would retire at a very young age, then made the most of all amounts of money that I earned for going out to make up for my hard work times. In conclusion, I vehemently deem that there are more favorable when choosing the job in consideration of its financial benefit. Notwithstanding people tend to hold different views on this problem, I still definitely in favor of getting a job with high salary will always be my first and permanent choice.
There is no consensus on whether the occupation’s motivation that we tend to pursue is
money
or
time
. From my perspective, I find myself
strongly
inclined to
think
that
handsomely
received remuneration would be a better choice. This observation
is supported
by two principal reasons that I will discuss in the subsequent paragraphs.

First
, a higher
salary
will stimulate us on remaining in our career for a long period of
time
. My personal experience is a compelling illustration of this. Due to the excellent GPA, my brother
was employed
in a financial
company
right after graduating. Despite the absence of experience, his
job
performance was outstanding, which made his
salary
increased
exponentially
.
However
, after ten years of strict
job’
requirements toleration, he abandoned it and found a
different
place that has a more wholesome atmosphere for him to
work
in relaxing status.
Initially
, he conceived that this would content him with non-pressure,
but
the oppression of poverty pushed him to a harsher one. The low
salary
could not
help
him to bear with the basic needs and
gradually
drove him to a no strong urge to desire for doing his task anymore. He said that: “I would
rather
receive a copious paid with
little
entertainment
time
than receive more free
time
but
have no
money
to enjoy that”.
Subsequently
, he turned back to his
old
job
and endure it until
now
.

Second, deserved gratification would create a profusion of advantages for young
people
to save or invest
money
. I
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my
own
personal experience. If I
work
extra hours, I will
be paid
more by
welfares
and allowances which
help
me gain more
money
.
Moreover
, working long hours
evidentially
would
maximally
decrease my spending
money
on occasions like hanging out with friends, shopping, or vacating.
Therefore
, by perseverance, at least after ten years of devoting my strength to
work
, my saving accounts would be
significantly
multiplied and
enough
for me to pay all spheres out of our
lives
. And if I could, I would retire at a
very
young age, then made the most of all amounts of
money
that I earned for going out to
make
up for my
hard
work
times.

In conclusion
, I
vehemently
deem that there are more favorable when choosing the
job
in consideration of its financial benefit. Notwithstanding
people
tend to hold
different
views on this problem, I
still
definitely in favor of getting a
job
with high
salary
will always be my
first
and permanent choice.
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IELTS essay Would you prefer to have a high-paying job with longer hours or a lower-paying job with shorter hours?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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