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Worldwide population growth

Worldwide population growth NMw0b
Everybody can agree that technology and research (especially in chemical, engineering and medical areas) have improved a lot our lives. This is the main reason why the population has constantly grown in the last decades, but while on a hand this phenomenon is a sign of welfare in the majority of countries all around the globe, on the other one it has determined a complex issue: overpopulation. Humankind is constituted by almost 8 billion of people and this means that the resources of our planet are not enough for everyone. As a matter of fact, it has been estimated that we consume the annual auto-regenerated resources of Earth in just five months; furthermore the resources are not equally distributed, in fact many people in the western countries waste water and food everyday while in many regions of Africa and Asia, they are luxuries, and in overpopulated countries (like India) this problem is even more evident. The solution to this phenomenon is not easy to find, because even if a country puts a limit on the number of offspring that a family can have (as China did in the last decades), it is fated to have a lot of elderly and few young people, causing big damages to the economy. In conclusion, the point is not to put a limit on the births, but promoting and implementing a more sustainable lifestyle, starting with green power, a healthy nutrition and looking forward to a fairer distribution of resources.
Everybody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that technology and research (
especially
in chemical,

engineering and medical areas) have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
a lot our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This is the main reason why the population has
constantly
grown in the last

decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
while on a hand this phenomenon is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of welfare

in the majority of countries all around the globe, on the other one it has

determined a complex issue: overpopulation.

Humankind
is constituted
by almost 8 billion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and this means that the

resources of our planet are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for everyone.

As a matter of fact, it has
been estimated
that we consume the annual

auto-regenerated resources of Earth in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
five months;

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
the resources are not
equally
distributed, in fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the

western countries waste water and food everyday

while in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions of Africa and Asia, they are luxuries, and in overpopulated

countries (like India) this problem is even more evident.

The solution to this phenomenon is not easy to find,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even if a country puts

a limit on the number of offspring that a family can have

(as China did in the last decades), it
is fated
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
elderly and few

young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
damages to the economy.

In conclusion
, the point is not to put a limit on the births,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
promoting and

implementing a more sustainable lifestyle, starting with green power,

a healthy nutrition and looking forward to a fairer distribution of resources.
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IELTS essay Worldwide population growth

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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