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working woman and housewife

working woman and housewife xxmE9
My mother and my aunt have very different lifestyles. My mother is a housewife. Therefore, she has more time to spend with family and kids. She does not face any time limits and thus, she does not need to hurry with her life. My mom is free from the control of an angry or depressed boss and can take her own time in doing the household chores. She can relax when she is sick and need not be answerable to anyone. She is free from work stress and meeting the deadline of her work. Being a housewife, my mom can watch her kids. She always stays with her kids and ultimately, becomes their best friend. This keeps the man of the family relaxed as his kids are in safe hands and being looked after properly. She also has a lot of time to spare for the activities she likes. She can engage herself in cooking classes, gardening, etc, and explore new skills. This gives them a feeling of achievement and keeps them happier. A happy relationship goes a long way. Whereas, My aunt is a working woman. She becomes financial support to my family with her husband. She always acts as a source of inspiration for her children as well as her family. She comes across the difficulties of the outer world and also finds a solution to them. These ideas can many times be extremely helpful to children and men of the family. My aunt is an independent woman. She is efficient in managing the outdoor chores very well. Her husband feels more comfortable as he doesn't have to deal with everything in the outer world for her family. When she gets a chance to realize her dreams, she feels more satisfied and is less complaining which keeps the atmosphere at home happy.
My mother and my aunt have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles.

My mother is a housewife.
Therefore
, she has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. She does not face any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limits and
thus
, she does not need to hurry with her life. My mom is free from the control of an angry or depressed boss and can take her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in doing the household chores. She can relax when she is sick and need not be answerable to anyone. She is free from work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and meeting the deadline of her work. Being a housewife, my mom can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. She always stays with her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
ultimately
, becomes their best friend. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relaxed as his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are in safe hands and
being looked
after
properly
. She
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spare for the activities she likes. She can engage herself in cooking classes, gardening, etc, and explore new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This gives them a feeling of achievement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them happier. A happy relationship goes a long way.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, My aunt is a working woman. She becomes financial support to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with her husband. She always acts as a source of inspiration for her children
as well
as her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
across the difficulties of the outer world and
also
finds a solution to them. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
be
extremely
helpful to children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. My aunt is an independent woman. She is efficient in managing the outdoor chores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. Her husband feels more comfortable as he doesn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with everything in the outer world for her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. When she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a chance to realize her dreams, she feels more satisfied and is less complaining which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the atmosphere at home happy.
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IELTS essay working woman and housewife

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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