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Working for long hours has take away the time for ourselves

Working for long hours has take away the time for ourselves kx8d2
Working is a part of our life and not our whole life. Our life is divided into several categories such as personal, professional, social, physical, emotional, and mental well-being. There is a strong need to maintain equilibrium amongst all of these to sustain a healthy living style. If we work long hours, then our professional area is dominating over rest of others. This in turn, would harm our physical and mental well being. There has to be a balance to be happy and content. In addition to it, following our passion is a doorway to relieving stress. Talking about the pros, there is only one and that is we might make good amount of money. Since we are not getting enough time to follow our hobbies, I don't feel there is any point in earning so much by giving those extra hours of our life to just the office work. Having said that, there are more cons of not being able to make time for ourselves. That 'me time' is underrated but has the highest value in terms of maintaining the overall health of ourself. Being with ourself is so soothing and refreshing to our soul. Some of the drawbacks, on the other hand, are increase in physical health issues like backpain, eye strain, and weight gain. This can also lead to some serious health issues in long run. Moreover, being just seated at one place creates a monotonous life. There are a plethora of activities one can follow apart from work. Be it walking, jogging, sharing a word with loved one or following the passion like dancing, singing, going to gym and the list is endess. Some mental health acitivities can also be included in daily lifestyle like meditation, writing gratitude journal and chanting positive affirmations. This keeps our mind fresh, calm and free from any negativity. In a nutshell, each one of us must find time for leisure activities or persuing our hobbies.
Working is a part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and not our whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is divided
into several categories such as personal, professional, social, physical, emotional, and mental well-being. There is a strong need to maintain equilibrium amongst all of these to sustain a healthy living style. If we work long hours, then our professional area is dominating over rest of others. This in turn, would harm our physical and mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be a balance to be happy and content.
In addition
to it, following our passion is a doorway to relieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Talking about the pros, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one and
that is
we might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money. Since we are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to follow our hobbies, I don't feel there is any point in earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much by giving those extra hours of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the office work. Having said that, there are more cons of not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time for ourselves. That 'me time'
is underrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has the highest value in terms of maintaining the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
. Being with
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
soothing and refreshing to our soul.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
drawbacks,
on the other hand
, are increase in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues like
Possible spelling mistake found.
backpain
, eye strain, and weight gain. This can
also
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in long run.
Moreover
, being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
seated at one place creates a monotonous life.

There are a plethora of activities one can follow apart from work. Be it walking, jogging, sharing a word with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one or following the passion like dancing, singing, going to gym and the list is
Possible spelling mistake found.
endess
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitivities
can
also
be included
in daily lifestyle like meditation, writing gratitude journal and chanting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
affirmations. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our mind fresh, calm and free from any negativity.

In a nutshell, each one of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find time for leisure activities or
Possible spelling mistake found.
persuing
our hobbies.
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IELTS essay Working for long hours has take away the time for ourselves

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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