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Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?

Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this? MrglN
Without any doubt, society is divided into two groups as per the distinct mindset of people. Therefore, this has become a debate able issue whether people having age more than 60 or 65 should be allowed to work as long as they want or not. This essay will not only shed light on the viewpoints of both sides but my point of view will also be elaborated. To commence with the view point of first group of people, there are myriad of things to be shared in its favour. This group of people believes that a busy routine is very helpful for human's body. If these people stay at home without doing anything, it can bring different physical or mental problems to them. In addition, to meet their expences, it will be very helpful for them to work. So that, they will not be dependent on their kids. Moreover, if a significant number of our population will be at home, we will have a shortage of workforce and will obviously have a burden on our economy which is already suffering. Moving towards the arguements of second group, the first and foremost arguments is that they have served their families and nations for a long time. At later part of their life, they must be given a complete rest by their families. In order to compensate their needs, government should allocate stipends for people of this age group. As far as i am concerned, I am not in favour of their work because every job needs your physical or mental fitness and also your determination with job. At this later part of their life, they can not give their hundred percent on job. Consequently, a company or a government would have to compromise on their productivity. That is why, they should not be allowed to do work. For their refreshment, government should build rehablitation centers and gyms so that they can spend their free time in those centers and could maintain their physical or mental fitness.
Without any doubt, society
is divided
into two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
as per the distinct mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, this has become a debate able issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having age more than 60 or 65 should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as long as they want or not. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
shed light on the viewpoints of both sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my point of view will
also
be elaborated
.

To commence with the view point of
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are myriad of things to
be shared
in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that a busy routine is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for human's body. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay at home without doing anything, it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
physical or mental problems to them.
In addition
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
expences
, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they will not be dependent on their kids.
Moreover
, if a significant number of our population will be at home, we will have a shortage of workforce and will
obviously
have a burden on our economy which is already suffering.

Moving towards the
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguements
of second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the
first
and foremost arguments is that they have served their families and nations for a long time. At later part of their life, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a complete rest by their families. In order to compensate their needs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate stipends for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this age group.

As far as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am concerned
, I am not in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every job needs your physical or mental fitness and
also
your determination with job. At this later part of their life, they can not give their hundred percent on job.
Consequently
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compromise on their productivity.
That is
why, they should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. For their refreshment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build
Possible spelling mistake found.
rehablitation
centers and gyms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can spend their free time in those centers and could maintain their physical or mental fitness.

IELTS essay Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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