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Women should give up their jobs and go back to their role of home maker in order to reduce world unemployment

Women should give up their jobs and go back to their role of home maker in order to reduce world unemployment Jqmqa
Women working is a fairly modern concept consequently leading traditional sceptics to opine that woman should resign and be home makers; even claiming to the point that it can assuage a global conundrum; unemployment. Nevertheless, it can be claimed that women, giving up their jobs, cannot decrease unemployment. Firstly, requiring women to leave their jobs is a violation of their freedom. It is unfair to separate them from a position they have strived to obtain while placing them in a role of home maker. Moreover, it is irrefutable that numerous women are extremely qualified for their jobs. Removing such experienced and adept women would negatively affect the industry while engendering the industry to incur a significant loss. Furthermore, it is safe to say that replacing female workers can only lead to mayhem in the workplace; therefore, it is essential to implement alternatives such as creating a higher number of job opportunities and even providing advanced education. Conclusively, removing women from their jobs is not an option for the reduction of unemployment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
working is a
fairly
modern concept
consequently
leading traditional
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptics' is British English.
sceptics
to opine that woman should resign and be
This word is normally spelled as one.
home makers
; even claiming to the point that it can assuage a global conundrum; unemployment.
Nevertheless
, it can
be claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, giving up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, cannot decrease unemployment.

Firstly
, requiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is a violation of their freedom. It is unfair to separate them from a position they have strived to obtain while placing them in a role of
This word is normally spelled as one.
home maker
.

Moreover
, it is irrefutable that numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
extremely
qualified for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Removing such experienced and adept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would
negatively
affect the industry while engendering the industry to incur a significant loss.

Furthermore
, it is safe to say that replacing female workers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to mayhem in the workplace;
therefore
, it is essential to implement alternatives such as creating a higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and even providing advanced education.

Conclusively
, removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is not an option for the reduction of unemployment.
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IELTS essay Women should give up their jobs and go back to their role of home maker in order to reduce world unemployment

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
171 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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