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Women employment rate in freedonia

Women employment rate in freedonia pLP7m
Between 1975 and 1995, there were valid changes in the numbers of male and female workers in Freedonia in manufacturing, communications, finance/banking, wholesale & retail trade, public sector (non-defence), and (defense). In 1975, women overtook the men in the communications sector; twenty years later, women’s rate rose from 250, 000 to 550, 000. In the wholesale & retail sector, in 1975, women’s rate increased from 550, 000 to 825, 000. The number of men in both sectors remained unchanged. During 1975, the numbers of women were still flat compared to the men’s rate. In 1995, the women’s rate in the public sector (defense) went up from 25, 000 to 125, 000. Finance/banking, increased from 175, 000 to 425, 000. Two sectors that remained stable were 300, 000 women and 650, 000 men worked in manufacturing in 1975 to 1995, and 650, 000 women and 850, 000 men in the public sector (non-defence). In conclusion, women appear to achieve much more in the Freedonian workforce, although there are some minor areas, which women have not gained as much as men. Finance/banking and the public sector (defense) are good testaments.
Between 1975 and 1995, there were valid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the numbers of male and female workers in
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Freedonia
in manufacturing, communications, finance/banking, wholesale & retail trade,
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public
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sector
(
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non-defence
), and (defense).

In 1975,
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women
overtook the
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men
in the communications
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sector
; twenty years later,
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women’s
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rate
rose from 250, 000 to 550, 000. In the wholesale & retail
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sector
, in 1975,
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women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
increased from 550, 000 to 825, 000. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in both
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sectors
remained unchanged.

During 1975, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
still
flat compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
(defense) went up from 25, 000 to 125, 000. Finance/banking, increased from 175, 000 to 425, 000. Two
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sectors
that remained stable were 300, 000
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women
and 650, 000
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men
worked in manufacturing in 1975 to 1995, and 650, 000
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women
and 850, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-defence
).

In conclusion
,
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women
appear to achieve much more in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonian
workforce, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor areas, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have not gained as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Finance/banking and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
(defense) are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
testaments.
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IELTS essay Women employment rate in freedonia

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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