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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The controversial topic about the idea which supports the females to prioritize growing up children on their jobs always attracted public attention. There has been a heated debate on whether this idea can provide benefits to our society or not. This remains a debatable issue. In this essay, I shall illustrate my points of view by analysing both sides of the argument before reaching a proper conclusion. There are several factors that support the women to concentrate mainly on raising up their children rather than their works. Firstly, a survey had been performed in Iraq in 2015. The majority (78%) of parents think that mothers should give the priority to childcare rather than other duties. Secondly, In Iraq, mother can take leave permission from her job after birth delivery, while men can not apply for this leave. Finally, women are emotionally very good with children so it is reasonable to stay and grow their children. On the other hand, other individuals may disagree by saying that the women should maintain a balance between home tasks and outside works. I watch a TV documentary on a doctor (father) and a nurse (mother) with their children. They organised their duties in a way that both parents can go to work and raise their children. The doctor and nurse had been chosen as the happiest family by the TV program viewers. Moreover, I went to a seminar last year. It was about the successful family. One of the points was about cooperative works between parents in raising their children. In conclusion, women can set up a plan with men, so they can perform their job and raise their children. Therefore, I strongly believe that women should not only focus on growing up children, but also focus on their other tasks.
The controversial topic about the
idea
which supports the females to prioritize growing up
children
on their jobs always attracted public attention. There has been a heated debate on whether this
idea
can provide benefits to our society or not. This remains a debatable issue. In this essay, I shall illustrate my points of view by analysing both sides of the argument
before
reaching a proper conclusion.

There are several factors that support the
women
to concentrate
mainly
on raising up their
children
rather
than their works.
Firstly
, a survey had
been performed
in Iraq in 2015. The majority (78%) of parents
think
that mothers should give the priority to childcare
rather
than
other
duties.
Secondly
, In Iraq, mother can take
leave
permission from her job after birth delivery, while
men
can not apply for this
leave
.
Finally
,
women
are
emotionally
very
good
with
children
so
it is reasonable to stay and grow their children.

On the
other
hand,
other
individuals may disagree by saying that the
women
should maintain a balance between home tasks and outside works. I
watch
a TV documentary on a doctor (father) and a nurse (mother) with their
children
. They organised their duties in a way that both parents can go to
work
and raise their
children
. The doctor and nurse had
been chosen
as the happiest family by the TV program viewers.
Moreover
, I went to a seminar last year. It was about the successful family. One of the points was about cooperative works between parents in raising their children.

In conclusion
,
women
can set up a plan with
men
,
so
they can perform their job and raise their
children
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that
women
should not
only
focus on growing up
children
,
but
also
focus on their
other
tasks.
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IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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