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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

For centuries, it was assumed that the duty of any woman is to be a housewife and a good mother who taking care of her kids. The responsibility of raising children and taking care of them was only the woman's role and the thing that she always masters. However, with the changes in societies and women are being out there working beside men it became pressing to not restrict child care only to women. From my point of view, both men and women have equal responsibility towards their kids. It is not fair or reasonable to presume that women are capable of taking care of children alone and to be their main duty in life. This is completely a wrong thought because kids need the care, love, and guidance of both men and women, as they have to discharge their duty of raising and caring for their kids. Furthermore, it is not a contest between women and men regarding who is better with kids, but it is a sharing responsibility and noble role that takes their cooperation and devotion. Another important thing is that being a working mother is not contradict its role towards her kids and doesn’t affect her job in bringing up children and taking care of them. In the modern world that we live in now, it is more important to have women out working and benefit their societies with their skills and experts like the importance of having women in their homes catering for their kids’ needs. It is very evident that most successful working women are very great mothers and they set a good example for young girls who want to have a career as well as a family of their own. So the issue here is not the working of women, but the key thing is how to create a balance between achieving a bright career and taking good care of kids. To sum up, looking after kids is not the role of a woman only as it was assumed for decades, but it is sharing responsibility between both genders. In addition, it is vital for communities to have women working and contributing to their development, as same as it is crucial to take care of their kids. However, the major thing is to strike a balance between domestic and working life.
For centuries, it
was assumed
that the duty of any woman is to be a housewife and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mother who taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of raising children and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the woman's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
and the thing that she always masters.
However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in societies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are being out there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
it became pressing to not restrict child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to women.

From my point of view, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
or reasonable to presume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are capable of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of children alone and to be their main duty in life. This is completely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, and guidance of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
discharge their duty of raising and caring for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Furthermore
, it is not a contest between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
regarding who is better with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
and noble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
that takes their cooperation and devotion.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mother is not contradict its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
towards her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and doesn’t affect her job in bringing up children and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. In the modern world that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and benefit their societies with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experts like the importance of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in their homes catering for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
needs. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
evident that most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
great
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mothers and
they set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for young girls who want to have a career
as well
as a family of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the issue here is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the key thing is how to create a balance between achieving a bright career and taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of kids.

To sum up, looking after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as it
was assumed
for decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
between both genders.
In addition
, it is vital for communities to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and contributing to their development, as same as it is crucial to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
However
, the major thing is to strike a balance between domestic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.
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IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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