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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement? 56BOe
Undoubtedly, mothers play a vital role in caring for and nourishing children rather than fathers. But it is argued that women need to concentrate more on raising their youngsters instead of succeeding in their careers. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this declaration as it causes gender inequality and suppresses women's empowerment. Gender equality should be supported because it is not only fundamental rights but necessary for a peaceful, prosperous, and sustainable world. Moreover, it is proved that both are equal in their competencies and skills So, definitely, they will be efficacious in parenting and nurturing their children, because, no one is born knowing all, so fostering children is not only the responsibility of mothers but fathers too. In such cases, the beneficiaries will be their family because successful women utilize their free time to improve their skills, which paves the way to develop their careers. For example, one of my friend’s partners is a house husband and she is a career woman, they lead a fruitful life. On the other hand, women's empowerment enhances good social development and family wellbeing. But all these growths would be blocked when female’s powers are repressed by their gender rule. Furthermore, they should be allowed to make their own choices, it stretches opportunities in proving themselves in various fields without any restrictions. As fatherhood is also important in parenting, women can be empowered to choose their profession, thus provide independence and confidence to achieve success. For example, Indira Gandhi, a former prime minister who was an empowering woman who broken all obstacles to succeed. In conclusion, females are better in childcaring, but parenting includes both. So, mothers must not be overburdened with those responsibilities and they should be equally respected and empowered for their own choices
Undoubtedly
, mothers play a vital role in caring for and nourishing children
rather
than fathers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
is argued
that women need to concentrate more on raising their youngsters
instead
of succeeding in their careers. From my perspective, I
strongly
disagree with this declaration as it causes gender inequality and suppresses women's empowerment.

Gender equality should
be supported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fundamental rights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
necessary for a peaceful, prosperous, and sustainable world.
Moreover
, it
is proved
that both are equal in their competencies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, definitely, they will be efficacious in parenting and nurturing their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, no one
is born
knowing all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fostering children is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fathers too. In such cases, the beneficiaries will be their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
successful women utilize their free time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which paves the way to develop their careers.
For example
, one of my friend’s partners is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
husband and
she is a career woman, they lead a fruitful life.

On the other hand
, women's empowerment enhances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social development and family
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
all these growths would
be blocked
when female’s powers
are repressed
by their gender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.
Furthermore
, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices, it stretches opportunities in proving themselves in various fields without any restrictions. As fatherhood is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in parenting, women can
be empowered
to choose their profession,
thus
provide independence and confidence to achieve success.
For example
, Indira Gandhi, a former prime minister who was an empowering woman who broken all obstacles to succeed.

In conclusion
, females are better in
Possible spelling mistake found.
childcaring
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parenting includes both.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be overburdened
with those
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
responsibilities and
they should be
equally
respected and empowered for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices
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IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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