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With the rapid advancement of communication technology such as smart phones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the rapid advancement of communication technology such as smart phones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. 855pP
At present, an increasing number of electronic products appear in the world. Such as cell phones and laptops, which bring plenty of convenience to us. Nevertheless, some people consider that they bring more negative influence than the positive. From my perspective, I do not agree with that. First of all, mobile devices make us contact with other people easier and faster. As we know, a long time ago, people only depended on letters to communicate with families and friends. Admittedly, this method is extremely tiring and wasting time. But now, there are plenty of social medium exist in our mobile devices, including WeChat, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat and QQ. They reduce the amount of time it takes to send messages. For instance, sending pictures or messages to a friend out of country only need a few seconds and it just takes you some simple operations on devices. Therefore, to some degree, mobile devices make contact more convenient and facilitate friendly communication between people from different regions. In addition, smart phones and tablets help us to know more informations around the globe. For example, a growing number of news websites appear in Google or Baidu and they would update the most comprehensive and newest news every single day. Hence, the citizens can get the facts that happen around the earth. In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, not only do electronic products make people contact more convenient, but also make people know more about the world. (therefore, I believe that the advantages
At present, an increasing number of electronic products appear in the world. Such as cell phones and laptops, which bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of convenience to us.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that they bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. From my perspective, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us contact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier and faster. As we know, a long time ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depended on letters to communicate with families and friends.
Admittedly
, this method is
extremely
tiring and wasting time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of social medium exist in our mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, including WeChat, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat and
Possible spelling mistake found.
QQ
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of time it takes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages.
For instance
, sending pictures or messages to a friend out of country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need a few seconds and it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
takes you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple operations on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
contact more convenient and facilitate friendly communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions.

In addition
, smart phones and tablets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to know more
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
around the globe.
For example
, a growing number of news websites appear in Google or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Baidu and
they would update the most comprehensive and newest news every single day.
Hence
, the citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the facts that happen around the earth.

In conclusion
, as far as I
am concerned
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do electronic products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contact more convenient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know more about the world.
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
therefore
, I believe that the advantages
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IELTS essay With the rapid advancement of communication technology such as smart phones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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