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Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? yXXlr
At present, along with the development of technology, natural oil and gas are becoming the essential role for human. Hence, the needs of them are increasing day by day. So finding new sources from remote is extremely necessary. However, is this really a wise choice? On the one hand, looking for more natural sources can improve a serious problem that shortage of oil and gas. As we know, an increasing number of babies born around the globe and the requirements of gas is becoming much greater for taking shower and cooking. It is universally acknowledged that people take cold bath or eat raw food, which would cause a large number of human illnesses. With respect to finding new sources of gas, a great number of vehicles been drive by people on the road and the demand of gasoline is becoming greater and greater. Nevertheless, the price of oil would be rise if the governments do not excavate more oil from untouched area. Since the scarcest is the most precious which means the drivers have to pay more money for refueling cars. On the other hand, developing wilderness for finding new sources of gas or oil would cause many environmental problems in forest, such as wood pollution, water pollution or air pollution. And it also leads plenty of animals lose their homes and eventually death. Since cutting trees is the first step that finding new sources. However, the trees are extremely indispensable for the animals. The last but not the least, if more gasoline have been finding, plenty of cars could be drive on the roads in the city, since the cost of gas would not be too high so general publics can pay the bill. Hence, the air pollution in downtown is more serious because a great number of car exhaust and heat have been emitted. In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, the disadvantages of finding new sources of gas and oil are outweigh the advantages, for causing too many environmental problems.
At present, along with the development of technology, natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
are becoming the essential role for human.
Hence
, the needs of them are increasing day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
from remote is
extremely
necessary.
However
, is this
really
a wise choice?

On the one hand, looking for more natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a serious problem that shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
. As we know, an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of babies born around the globe and the requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
is becoming much greater for taking shower and cooking. It is
universally
acknowledged that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
bath or eat raw food, which would cause a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of human illnesses. With respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
, a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of vehicles been drive by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the road and the demand of gasoline is becoming greater and greater.
Nevertheless
, the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
would be
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rise
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not excavate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
from untouched area. Since the scarcest is the most precious which means the drivers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more money for refueling cars.

On the other hand
, developing wilderness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
would cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmental problems in forest, such as wood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
or air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. And it
also
leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of animals lose their homes and
eventually
death.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
cutting trees is the
first
step that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
.
However
, the trees are
extremely
indispensable for the animals. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, if more gasoline have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of cars could be drive on the roads in the city, since the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
would not be too high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
general
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics can
pay the bill.
Hence
, the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
in downtown is more serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Did you mean "cars"?
car
exhaust and heat have
been emitted
.

In conclusion
, as far as I
am concerned
, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
are outweigh the advantages, for causing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmental problems.
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IELTS essay Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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