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With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. XWRY
What young people should study at school has long been the subject of intense debate and this is a question that certainly does not have one correct answer. We need to provide young people the best possible chance of doing well at school. In traditional curriculum there is a wide variety of subjects with a mix of academic and non-academic subjects. In this way a young person is formed with a rounded education. Non-academic subjects would include sports, cooking, woodwork and metalwork. I believe this is the best form of education. A young person should learn things other than academic subjects. Sport is particularly important. Young people have to learn to love sport so that they can be fit and healthy later in life. If not we will be raising an obese and unfit generation. I totally understand the point of view that education is so important that students must be pushed as hard as possible to achieve their best. It sounds a good idea to only expose the students to academic subjects as then they can spend all of their school hours on studying areas that will get them into university and good jobs later in life. I just feel a more rounded education would produce a better individual. We must remember too that a lot of people, maybe even most people, aren‛t academically minded and would benefit more from a more vocationally based education. Forcing academic studies onto them would lead to failure and the student leaving school too early. Therefore I agree that although a wholly academic curriculum would suit and benefit some young people, I believe that for most students non-academic subjects are important inclusions still in today‛s syllabuses.
What
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young
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people
should study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has long been the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
of intense debate and this is a question that
certainly
does not have one correct answer.

We need to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the best possible chance of doing well at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In traditional curriculum there is a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
with a mix of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In this way a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person
is formed
with a rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would include sports, cooking, woodwork and metalwork. I believe this is the best form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person should learn things other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Sport is
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
be fit
and healthy later in life. If not we will be raising an obese and unfit generation.

I
totally
understand the point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be pushed
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as possible to achieve their best. It sounds a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
expose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as then they can spend all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours on studying areas that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them into university and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs later in life. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
feel a more rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would produce a better individual. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remember too that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, maybe even most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
Did you mean "aren't" or "aren’t"?
aren‛t
academically
minded and would benefit more from a more
vocationally
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies onto them would lead to failure and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
too early.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that although a wholly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
curriculum would suit and benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
inclusions
still
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
‛s syllabuses.
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IELTS essay With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?