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With the increasing number of Fast Food outlets the number of of overweight children in developed countries is increasing to what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the increasing number of Fast Food outlets the number of of overweight children in developed countries is increasing kWQMR
With the increasing number of food outlets the number of obese people are also increased. In this modern era, the inclination of junk food the counting of obese juveniles is increasing day by day. I agree with this to some extent because obesty is not only the cause of fast food it is also depend upon parents habits. To begin with, everyone is crazy about fast it may be tongue taste. People are so busy with their schedules so they don't have a time to cook food in homes. This is the main reason their children are addicted more to fast foods because of this health related diseases are increasing day by day. More consumption of fast food is the major cause of heart attacks. Also escalating rate of obesity related health issues is increasing the border on the health care system. The taste of fast food is mesmerizing that is why no one can deny it. Furthermore, introduction of physical education in syllabus not only motivates the children, but parents also encouraged to choose healthy activities to set an example for children. In addition these activities are becomes part of children's life. However, in my opinion not only fast food. There are so many factors which are responsible for it. Government should regulate the food supplies in countries and the prices should be reliable for everyone. Also, parents should aware about the benefits of exercise and home made foods. To sum up, the increasing number of obese people is putting a strain on the Healthcare system. To solve this issue introduction of physical education lesson into course of study is necessary.
With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets the number of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
also
increased. In this modern era, the inclination of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
the counting of obese juveniles is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
day by day. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
obesty
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
it is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
upon parents habits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, everyone is crazy about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
it may be tongue taste.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don't have a time to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in homes. This is the main reason their children
are addicted
more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
because of this
health related diseases are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
day by day. More consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the major cause of heart attacks.
Also
escalating rate of obesity related health issues is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the border on the health care system. The taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is mesmerizing
that is
why no one can deny it.

Furthermore
, introduction of physical education in syllabus not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivates the children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents
also
encouraged to choose healthy activities to set an example for children. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
these activities are becomes part of children's life.

However
, in my opinion not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors which are responsible for it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should regulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supplies in countries and the prices should be reliable for everyone.
Also
, parents
The word 'aware' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should aware
about the benefits of exercise and home made foods.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
number of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is putting a strain on the Healthcare system. To solve this issue introduction of physical education lesson into course of study is necessary.

IELTS essay With the increasing number of Fast Food outlets the number of of overweight children in developed countries is increasing

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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