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With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people.

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. PA2g
n current society, the life expectancy in western countries has increased significantly. Also, fewer babies are being born, causing the relative percentage of elderly people to increase. These people have to be taken care of, causing the question to rise whether this number of elderly people can be cared for. When people grow older, they can also develop more health issues, resulting in more visits to doctors and hospitals, and an increased usage of pharmaceuticals. Due to the current large numbers of elderly people, the pressure put onto health care systems is increasing. In many western countries, the state provides most of the health care system. Therefore with increasing numbers of old people, higher percentages of state funding have to be allocated to health care and this could cause shortfalls in other areas, for example education. This change in the distribution of money can therefore impact society negatively. Society should be able to handle these changes. Governments will have been able to predict the changing demographic situations in their countries and plan accordingly. This might indeed lead to other sectors in society having money taken away from them, but caring for the elderly is one of the key responsibilities of today’s governments. For the future, it might be necessary to ensure that an extra insurance charge is levied on people’s salaries in order that any future financial shortfall is met. This would be unpopular, but would allow governments to have the necessary funds available. In conclusion, society today and in the future should be well able to deal with caring for their elderly. It is only a question of careful long-term forecasting and planning.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
n
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the life expectancy in western countries has increased
significantly
.
Also
, fewer babies are
being born
, causing the relative percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of, causing the question to rise whether this number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be cared
for.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow older, they can
also
develop more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, resulting in more visits to doctors and hospitals, and an increased usage of pharmaceuticals. Due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the pressure put onto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
systems is increasing. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western countries, the state provides most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
system.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
with increasing numbers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, higher percentages of state funding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be allocated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and this could cause shortfalls in other areas,
for example
education. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the distribution of money can
therefore
impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
negatively
.

Society should be able to handle these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
will have been able to predict the changing demographic situations in their countries and plan
accordingly
. This might
indeed
lead to other sectors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
having money taken away from them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
caring for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
is one of the key responsibilities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. For the future, it might be necessary to ensure that an extra insurance charge
is levied
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
salaries in order that any future financial shortfall
is met
. This would be unpopular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to have the necessary funds available.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and in the future should be well able to deal with caring for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a question of careful long-term forecasting and planning.
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IELTS essay With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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