Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following All young adults should be required to do some sort of national service for their country for example military service or community service Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

with the following All young adults should be required to do some sort of national service for their country for example military service or community service Use specific reasons and details to support your answer 0ABMq
National services such as military or community service are the promising services that are very important to run a country smoothly as well as maintaining its citizen, their demands etc. in a balanced way. So, it is an extra help for a country if young adults take part in those services for betterment of the nation e. g. its human resource management as well as trainig up future leaders on politics, society and economics. First of all, engagment of those services not only help to propser the nation but also improve physical and mental health of young adults which help them to be a healthy and balanced studnet, citizen in future. Doing exercise and some elementary warm up, understanding military techinques for self prtoection etc. can be learned if they are in army services. This type of physical exercises help them to be healthy both in mentally and physically. Engaging community service will also refresh their mind and body. When performing those services, they learn some sorts of social, political and economical conditions about the country that helps them to be a future politician or economist or socialist. This is because they get inspiration and can fix their aim of life at the time of their involvement on those services. As for example, South Korean government has the compulsory rule that every korean male citizen will be engaged in their national military service for two years at the time of their undergraduate study. This servie is building a back up power for South Korean military which will help them to utilize them at any crucial moment i. e. attack from North Korea. Furthermore, that service is also focusing some community servies. As a result, those korean young adults are very focused and they are better than in terms of social, political and economic knowledge those who did not take part in the services yet. In addition, country can use those young adult in day to day community services. For example, in South Korea, high school boys and girls are bound to perfom at least 30 minutes duty on traffic control before their school time in the morning by rotation. Thus a country can be benifitted from its young adult if they participate in some sorts of national services. A good, logical and focused plan for national services designed for the young adult determined by the country is both way benificial. So, I think taking part in national services will make benefit for young adults as well as the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as military or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
are the promising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
smoothly
as well
as maintaining its citizen, their demands etc. in a balanced way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for betterment of the nation
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
its human resource management
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
trainig
up future leaders on politics, society and economics.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
engagment
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
propser
the nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical and mental health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to be a healthy and balanced
Possible spelling mistake found.
studnet
, citizen
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Doing exercise and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elementary warm up, understanding military
Possible spelling mistake found.
techinques
for self
Possible spelling mistake found.
prtoection
etc. can
be learned
if they are in army
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. This type of physical exercises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to be healthy both in mentally and
physically
. Engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
will
also
refresh their mind and body.

When performing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of social, political and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
conditions about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to be a future politician or economist or socialist. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspiration and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their aim of life at the time of their involvement on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. As
for example
, South Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has the compulsory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that every
Possible spelling mistake found.
korean
male citizen will
be engaged
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for two years at the time of their undergraduate study. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
servie
is building a back up power for South Korean military which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to utilize them at any crucial moment
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
attack from North Korea.
Furthermore
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is
also
focusing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
Possible spelling mistake found.
servies
.
As a result
, those
Possible spelling mistake found.
korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
focused and
they are better than in terms of social, political and economic knowledge those who did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
yet
.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult in day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
For example
, in South Korea, high school boys and girls
are bound
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
perfom
at least 30 minutes duty on traffic control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their school time in the morning by rotation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifitted
from its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult if they participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
services.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, logical and focused plan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
designed for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult determined by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is both way
Possible spelling mistake found.
benificial
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay with the following All young adults should be required to do some sort of national service for their country for example military service or community service Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
419 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Do you agree or disagree with the following All young adults should be required to do some sort of national service for their country for example military service or community service Use specific reasons and details to support your answer