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With the advent of urbanization and the rise in economical standards, many people across the world, are now suffering from obesity. In this essay, I shall discuss a number of possible causes to this issue, along with the appropriate measures which could be adopted, in order to control this epidemic. To begin with, ever since the recent industrial revolution, accompanied by the development in sophisticated modern technologies, people are now able life a very luxurious life style. Fast food such as burgers and fries, which contains a very large quantity of trans and saturated fat, is often regarded as a popular choice of food among many. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, many people who consume these types of food at least once in every two days, are more likely to suffer from several weight related issues. Moreover, a vast majority of the population, including teenagers, are living more sedentary life, they often times prefer playing vide

With the advent of urbanization and the rise in economical standards, many people across the world, are now suffering from obesity. In this essay, I shall discuss a number of possible causes to this issue, along with the appropriate measures which could be adopted, in order to control this epidemic. To begin with, ever since the recent industrial revolution, accompanied by the development in sophisticated modern technologies, people are now able life a very luxurious life style. Fast food such as burgers and fries, which contains a very large quantity of trans and saturated fat, is often regarded as a popular choice of food among many. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, many people who consume these types of food at least once in every two days, are more likely to suffer from several weight related issues. Moreover, a vast majority of the population, including teenagers, are living more sedentary life, they often times prefer playing vide WnRmK
With the advent of urbanization and the rise in economical standards, many people across the world, are now suffering from obesity. In this essay, I shall discuss a number of possible causes to this issue, along with the appropriate measures which could be adopted, in order to control this epidemic. To begin with, ever since the recent industrial revolution, accompanied by the development in sophisticated modern technologies, people are now able life a very luxurious life style. Fast food such as burgers and fries, which contains a very large quantity of trans and saturated fat, is often regarded as a popular choice of food among many. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, many people who consume these types of food at least once in every two days, are more likely to suffer from several weight related issues. Moreover, a vast majority of the population, including teenagers, are living more sedentary life, they often times prefer playing video games or scrolling through social networking apps over any physical sports. As a result, more and more people find themselves towards the heavier side of the scale. However, by taking appropriate measures, it is now possible to control this epidemic. Firstly, the government should spread awareness regarding diet and nutrition among people. All education institutions should have a mandatory physical education classes for students, where they require to take part in any physical sport of their choice. Further to this, people should be more encouraged to ride bicycles, then driving cars. Therefore, despite the severity of the obesity problem, we can still win this battle. In conclusion the above measuressures are effectively followed, we could expect tosome improvementsments in the future
With the advent of urbanization and the rise in economical standards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
suffering from obesity. In this essay, I shall discuss a number of possible causes to this issue, along with the appropriate measures which could
be adopted
, in order to control this epidemic.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, ever since the recent industrial revolution, accompanied by the development in sophisticated modern technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able life a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
luxurious life style.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
food such as burgers and fries, which contains a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large quantity of trans and saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as a popular choice of food among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
For example
, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who consume these types of food at least once in every two days, are more likely to suffer from several weight related issues.
Moreover
, a vast majority of the population, including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, are living more sedentary life, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
times prefer playing video games or scrolling through social networking apps over any physical sports.
As a result
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find themselves towards the heavier side of the scale.
However
, by taking appropriate measures, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible to control this epidemic.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spread awareness regarding diet and nutrition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. All education institutions should have a mandatory physical education classes for students, where they require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in any physical sport of their choice.
Further
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more encouraged to ride bicycles, then driving cars.
Therefore
, despite the severity of the obesity problem, we can
still
win this battle.

In conclusion
the above
Possible spelling mistake found.
measuressures
are
effectively
followed, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
Possible spelling mistake found.
tosome
Possible spelling mistake found.
improvementsments
in the future
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IELTS essay With the advent of urbanization and the rise in economical standards, many people across the world, are now suffering from obesity. In this essay, I shall discuss a number of possible causes to this issue, along with the appropriate measures which could be adopted, in order to control this epidemic. To begin with, ever since the recent industrial revolution, accompanied by the development in sophisticated modern technologies, people are now able life a very luxurious life style. Fast food such as burgers and fries, which contains a very large quantity of trans and saturated fat, is often regarded as a popular choice of food among many. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, many people who consume these types of food at least once in every two days, are more likely to suffer from several weight related issues. Moreover, a vast majority of the population, including teenagers, are living more sedentary life, they often times prefer playing vide

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • With the advent of urbanization and the rise in economical standards, many people across the world, are now suffering from obesity. In this essay, I shall discuss a number of possible causes to this issue, along with the appropriate measures which could be adopted, in order to control this epidemic. To begin with, ever since the recent industrial revolution, accompanied by the development in sophisticated modern technologies, people are now able life a very luxurious life style. Fast food such as burgers and fries, which contains a very large quantity of trans and saturated fat, is often regarded as a popular choice of food among many. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, many people who consume these types of food at least once in every two days, are more likely to suffer from several weight related issues. Moreover, a vast majority of the population, including teenagers, are living more sedentary life, they often times prefer playing vide