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With the advancement of technology, sport industry is changing day by day. Do you think this change is positive and negative?

With the advancement of technology, sport industry is changing day by day. Do you think this change is positive and negative? 8LgOB
It is clear that technology would create several advantages for the sports industry. One evident strength is that it would be approachable with quality content and utilities. In other words, this is also a way for fan engagement and interacting with athletes through a small screen. Another reason is that it would help all people keep up with the pace of technological advancements. Last but not least, technology brings potential for sport industry.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that technology would create several advantages for the sports industry. One evident strength is that it would be approachable with quality content and utilities.
In other words
, this is
also
a way for fan engagement and interacting with athletes through a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen. Another reason is that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the pace of technological advancements. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, technology brings potential for sport industry.
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IELTS essay With the advancement of technology, sport industry is changing day by day. Do you think this change is positive and negative?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
73 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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