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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem jYJN
It is not deniable that cutting trees and urbanization is increasing day by day. Not only that but hunting of animals has also become a hobby of some rich annoying masses. Because of this, there are different kinds of animals that are threatening to be extinct, some have already lost their surroundings on the earth. In my point of view, we should certainly look after this matter and have to do something for their safety. In my opinion, it is extremely important to preserve forests and animals. There are many reasons behind this. Firstly, we live in a world where we all depend directly or indirectly on each other and delicately make a balance with the ecosystem. If any species will be disappeared, this might affect the entire chain system including humans also. For instance, many of our crop plants rely on pollinating birds and mammals to produce seeds. And the decline in these animals would result in a decrease in our food supply. Additionally, all over the world, many counties use animal meat such as cows, goats, and many types of animals for their daily food. Therefore, we should keep them safe. There are certain solutions to prevent deforestation and save the animals from extinct. First of all, the government should make the prevention law, make rules regulation to not cut trees, and obey the forest and wildlife conservation policies. Furthermore, they need to educate people and bring awareness about the importance of wildlife. This is because public can understand the value of their unique kinds of plans and tree. For example, zoo is type of place where we can see the such animals which are going to extinct. Secondly, they should also put some restriction for stop to increase the urban areas. In conclusion forest‘s destruction, urban development and illegal hunting are the reasons of plants and animal disappearance. Because of this, we can face the flesh and floods. consequently, we should prepared of this natural disasters. I belelive that this could be happened by our all efforts.
It is not deniable that cutting trees and urbanization is increasing day by day. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hunting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has
also
become a hobby of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich annoying masses.
Because of this
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that are threatening to be extinct,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have already lost their surroundings on the earth. In my point of view, we should
certainly
look after this matter and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do something for their safety.

In my opinion, it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to preserve forests and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind this.
Firstly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world where we all depend
directly
or
indirectly
on each other and
delicately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance with the ecosystem. If any species will
be disappeared
, this might affect the entire chain system including humans
also
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our crop plants rely on pollinating birds and mammals to produce seeds. And the decline in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would result in a decrease in our food supply.
Additionally
, all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
counties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
meat such as cows, goats, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their daily food.
Therefore
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them safe.

There are certain solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
deforestation and save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinct.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the prevention law,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regulation to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
trees, and obey the forest and wildlife conservation policies.
Furthermore
, they need to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and bring awareness about the importance of wildlife. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
public can understand the value of their unique kinds of plans and tree.
For example
, zoo is type of place where we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are going to extinct.
Secondly
, they should
also
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restriction for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to increase the urban areas.

In conclusion
forest‘s destruction, urban development and illegal hunting are the reasons of plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
disappearance.
Because of this
, we can face the flesh and floods.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, we should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "prepare"
prepared
of this natural disasters. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
belelive
that this could
be happened
by our all efforts.
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IELTS essay With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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