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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem? g5YGd
It is often noticed that with increasing growth of industrialization, cutting forests and hunting animals unlawfully, numerous animals already vanish because their habitats are constantly reduced and a few are even warned at the stage of extinction. From my view, it is vital to take all necessary steps to save our fauna. Further in the essay shall highlight the reasons and also discuss all possible solutions to tackle this problem. One the one hand, protection of wildlife becomes crucial but we can't deny the fact that animals are key to our ecosystem. Firstly, Animals are the only source of income for many families in majorly in terms of food and woollen clothes. Such as, Various milk parlours depend on them, milk is a daily need for humans across the globe. Additionally, People in Nepal collect wool that is produced from animals and make winter jackets then sell them and earn money. Secondly, Animals is good form of entertainment for enriching human life. Various international shows and TV channels specially run on wildlife. For instance, the Biggest dolphin show in Maldives, is one of the most popular and most expensive among all. Where we can see different species of dolphins they all perform many activities all together. On the other hand, this has some solutions to cure this problem. Firstly, the government should ban all illegal hunting, and make strict laws and punishments. This will be a lesson for every individual so no one tries to harm animal species. Secondly, a Wildlife awareness campaign should be started and spread the information about the importance of wildlife among the citizens. In this way we can also collect the fund to save our fauna. To sum up, Flora and fauna vanish with forest cutting and adverse rise in industrialization. And we all know that environmental safety is very important for a healthy life and long life. I believe we all as citizens take responsibility to save our forest life and also support the government in every possible way to make this possible.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
noticed that with increasing growth of industrialization, cutting forests and hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
unlawfully
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
already vanish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their habitats are
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and a few are even warned at the stage of extinction. From my view, it is vital to take all necessary steps to save our fauna.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
in the essay shall highlight the reasons and
also
discuss all possible solutions to tackle this problem.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
becomes crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can't deny the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are key to our ecosystem.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families in
majorly
in terms of food and
Possible spelling mistake found.
woollen
clothes. Such as, Various milk
Possible spelling mistake found.
parlours
depend on them, milk is a daily need for humans across the globe.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in Nepal collect wool that
is produced
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
winter jackets then sell them and earn money.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
form of entertainment for enriching human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Various international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and TV channels
specially
run on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
.
For instance
, the Biggest dolphin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Maldives".
in Maldives
, is one of the most popular and most expensive among all.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
species of dolphins they all perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities all together.

On the other hand
, this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to cure this problem.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban all illegal hunting, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict laws and punishments. This will be a lesson for every individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no one tries to harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species.
Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wildlife
awareness campaign should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
and spread the information about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
among the citizens. In this way we can
also
collect the fund to save our fauna.

To sum up, Flora and fauna vanish with forest cutting and adverse rise in industrialization. And we all know that environmental safety is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I believe we all as citizens take responsibility to save our forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
also
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in every possible way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this possible.
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IELTS essay With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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