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With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

Due to the omnipresence of internet globally, the children are open to those hazardous sites which are not appropriate to their age; lt is the duty of the guardians to put restrictions on use of internet connectivity. This essay will discussed the harmful and threatening effects of cyber space on the psyche of the teenagers and I completely agree with the view point. Due to advancement, technology reaches faster to every corner and leads to bad impact on teenagers who are just learning to use smart phones. They are perverted by adult content sites which are highlighted as advertisement during surfing any sites and they get distracted, as a result, they indulge in wrong activities like making uncensored videos of their mates etc. Although it affects their eyes at very small age due to continuous watching of LCD screen. Simultaneously they are addicted to it and their physical activities reduce and obesity increases; they get diverted from their actual goal. It is the moral responsibility of the parents to limit the use of the internet. Liberty of using social network should be within limits and objectionable sites must be blocked so that they only focus on the study material which they want from internet. Guardians have to motivate their children to read different kinds of books and play outdoor games to refrain from the use of Cyber space. Thus the crux of the essay is that upbringing of the child should be in such a manner that they are not dependent on social network or websites moreover they are aware of the fact that playing outdoor games help them to boost their mental ability, physical ability and immunity and this builds a good discipline among them to achieve future goals.
Due to the omnipresence of internet globally, the children are open to those hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which are not appropriate to their age;
Possible spelling mistake found.
lt
is the duty of the guardians to put restrictions on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet connectivity. This essay will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
discussed
the harmful and threatening effects of
The word “cyberspace” is spelled as one.
cyber space
on the psyche of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view point.

Due to advancement, technology reaches faster to every corner and leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Nowadays it’s more common to write this as one word.
smart phones
. They
are perverted
by adult content
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which
are highlighted
as advertisement during surfing any
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sites and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted,
as a result
, they indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
activities like making uncensored videos of their mates etc.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it affects their eyes at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age due to continuous watching of LCD screen.
Simultaneously
they
are addicted
to it and their physical activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and obesity increases; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted from their actual goal.

It is the moral responsibility of the parents to limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet. Liberty of using social network should be within limits and objectionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be blocked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on the study material which they want from internet. Guardians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
motivate their children to read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of books and play outdoor games to refrain from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
The word “cyberspace” is spelled as one.
Cyber space
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the crux of the essay is that upbringing of the child should be in such a manner that they are not dependent on social network or websites
moreover
they are aware of the fact that playing outdoor games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to boost their mental ability, physical ability and immunity and this builds a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
discipline among them to achieve future goals.
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IELTS essay With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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