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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, technology has been evolving every minute passes. Therefore, it began to affect our daily routines that can have its upsides and downsides at some point. However, I strongly believe that technology, games in particular, can be promising than our old generation's means of entertainment. Developers started to develop loads of games that can give the player some joy and excitement while grinding with his or her friends and trying to compete for the first place. Digital games can offer a lot of valid point about why they are reliable when it comes to entertainment. Firstly, games might help the children to grow the spirit of competition more than outdoors activities. Since most of the games depend on strategic analysis and outsmart thinking just to defeat other players. It allows the children to use their brain muscles more than their body ones. By that, children can start to reach to a point of being genius. In addition, it can help in supporting their reputation between his/her friends. Secondly, games are reliable when it comes to safety. Not to mention the fact that your child is safe and sound inside doors, but you can also check up on him from time to time and you can even join him! Computer games are so efficient when it comes to multiplayer mode. So why don’t you hop on your chair and play with your children? Some facts worth mentioning which talks about games can make the child anti-social or maybe it can have some side effects on their body like eye stress and back problems and even brain freeze. Let me just try to contradict most of these rumors. Like they say every Lock got its key. To begin with, being anti-social might be true when it comes to Computer games. Nevertheless, some of the games offers 'Online-mode' services that can make your child communicate with other players more with people all around the world. By using this feature, he can learn insanely amount of information about other cultures and even learning more foreign vocabularies. Besides, allow your child to work out and to do some body exercises before diving into a game. This will maintain your child body and make it more fit than ever. Furthermore, let him take some breaks in between the days. Gaming for hours are energy-draining so it’s vital to take some rest. Finally, there is a fact that I can’t go silent about on which there are some inconvenient games. Some games cannot be optimal to your child according to their age. Thus, before buying a game you have to check the downgrades of this particular games by looking at the cover. It is always written if it is convenient to your son’s age or not so give it a think, shall you? In a nutshell, most of the facts that I mentioned are favorable to games more than outdoor activities. As you can see from my essay, gaming can be promising yet harmful if you didn’t consider its drawbacks. I highly recommend online games than going outdoors bec. outdoors arent safe at all. Just give it some thoughts, can you?
Nowadays, technology has been evolving every minute passes.
Therefore
, it began to affect our daily routines that can have its upsides and downsides at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point.
However
, I
strongly
believe that technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in particular
, can be promising than our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation's means of entertainment. Developers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to develop loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that can give the player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
joy and excitement while grinding with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
friends and trying to compete for the
first
place. Digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valid point about why they are reliable when it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
to entertainment.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the children to grow the spirit of competition more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
activities. Since most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
depend on strategic analysis and outsmart thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to defeat other players. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their brain muscles more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
ones. By that, children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to reach to a point of being genius.
In addition
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in supporting their reputation between his/her friends.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are reliable when it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
to safety. Not to mention the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is safe and sound inside doors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up on him from time to
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
you can even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
him! Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
efficient when it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
to multiplayer mode.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why don’t you hop on your chair and play with your children?

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
facts worth mentioning which talks about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
anti-social or
maybe it can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
like eye
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and back problems and even brain freeze.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
try to contradict most of these rumors. Like they say every Lock
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
its key.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, being anti-social might be true when it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
to Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Nevertheless
,
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
offers 'Online-mode' services that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
communicate with other players more with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all around the world. By using this feature, he can learn
insanely
amount of information about other cultures and even learning more foreign vocabularies.

Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to work out and to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
diving into a game. This will maintain your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more fit than ever.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
breaks in between the days. Gaming for hours are energy-draining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s vital to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rest.

Finally
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that I can’t go silent about on which there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cannot be optimal to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
according to their age.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying a game you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the downgrades of this particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by looking at the cover. It is always written if it is convenient to your son’s age or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
give it a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, shall you?

In a nutshell, most of the facts that I mentioned are favorable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from my essay, gaming can be promising
yet
harmful if you didn’t consider its drawbacks. I
highly
recommend online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
Possible spelling mistake found.
bec
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
outdoors
Possible spelling mistake found
arent
safe at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
give it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thoughts, can you?
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
524 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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