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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.35

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 35
We have always heard the expression "do what you love and everything else will follow", to what extent is this true? It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose a job with high wage even if it does not appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that career fulfilment is much more important than salary. First of all, I believe the job satisfaction gives people a sense of fulfilment that no money can guarantee. Even if someone is earning high salaries, but feels tensed and compromises with their conscience, this person would not enjoy their life. While pursuing one's interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of contentment. For example, a lot of famous researchers made their career choices, not because of appealing wages, but because they were passionate about science. That is why it is more important to choose the kind of work that makes you happier than to only look at high salaries. Secondly, doing what you like keeps you motivated and therefore leads to a career growth. In other words, there is a strong relation between work satisfaction and productivity. People who love their jobs can easily excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those, who put money on the first place. For instance, Henry Miller decided to leave his everyday office life despite a good wage and ventured to become a writer. And, after enduring years of ups and downs he became one of the most famous and well-paid authors of the twentieth century. Thus, advantages of jobs that keeps you satisfied outweigh the drawbacks of a low salary in a long-term perspective. To conclude, I strongly believe that job fulfilment is more beneficial than higher salaries because it makes people happy and motivated.
We have always heard the expression
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
do what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and everything else will follow
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, to what extent is this true? It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that it is more advantageous to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high wage even if it does not appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that career
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than salary.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
that no money can guarantee. Even if someone is earning high salaries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
feels tensed and compromises with their conscience, this person would not enjoy their life. While pursuing one's interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of contentment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
researchers made their career choices, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of appealing wages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were passionate about science.
That is
why it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to choose the kind of work that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happier than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
look at high salaries.

Secondly
, doing what you like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you motivated and
therefore
leads to a career growth.
In other words
, there is a strong relation between work satisfaction and productivity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
easily
excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those, who put money on the
first
place.
For instance
, Henry Miller decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
his everyday office life despite a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wage and ventured to become a writer. And, after enduring years of ups and downs he became one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and well-paid authors of the twentieth century.
Thus
, advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you satisfied outweigh the drawbacks of a low salary
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a long-term perspective".
in a long-term perspective
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
is more beneficial than higher salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy and motivated.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 35

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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