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Wild animals do not have enough space. Some people think that protection of wild animals from extinction is a waste of money because it is natural. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Wild animals do not have enough space. Some people think that protection of wild animals from extinction is a waste of money because it is natural. GroPo
Many people think that protection of wild animals from extinction is a waste of money because it is natural. I, however, only partly agree with this idea for the following reasons. The main reason I partly agree with this idea is for the simple truth that government spends a large amount of money on protection of wild animals in developing countries; however, this money can be also spent on helping poor people. It can be illustrate by the fact that there are poor who want basic necessities such as food, drugs, and clothes, and so it might be more efficient to spend money on immediate needs for human. A further reason is that while some people in underdeveloped countries, even in developed countries do not have permanent places to live, which mean that it could be urgent to help people than animals. On the other hand, I disagree slightly because wild animals can actually be useful for people: scientists do experiments in organ of animals so they can generate new medicines to help people who suffer severe symptoms get better. Wild animals might be beneficial for study of evolution that make human understand the change in the characteristics of their species over several generations easily and they can also attract more tourists which can improve the economic condition of a country. All in all, protection of wild animals can be helpful with human and bring many benefits. In conclusion, although I agree with the presented idea up to a certain point, I also disagree for the reason given. I personally believe, that it is up to everybody to think carefully about this debatable question and come to their own conclusions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinction is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is natural. I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the following reasons.

The main reason I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is for the simple truth that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
;
however
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
also
spent on helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It can be
Consider using the past participle "illustrated"?
illustrate
by the fact that there are poor who want
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as food, drugs, and clothes, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it might be more efficient to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on immediate needs for human. A
further
reason is that while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, even in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not have permanent places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, which mean that it could be urgent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than animals.

On the other hand
, I disagree
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can actually be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
: scientists do experiments in organ of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can generate new medicines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer severe symptoms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better. Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
might be beneficial for study of evolution that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the characteristics of their species over several generations
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they can
also
attract more tourists which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic condition of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. All in all, protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can be helpful with human and bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the presented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
up to a certain point, I
also
disagree for the reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. I
personally
believe, that it is up to everybody to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
about this debatable question and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conclusions.
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IELTS essay Wild animals do not have enough space. Some people think that protection of wild animals from extinction is a waste of money because it is natural.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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