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why we should hire you to a camp in usa

why we should hire you to a camp in usa lxpyJ
I feel that I should be hired by you given my excellent background along with the skills and experience the camp is looking for. Firstly, I love being around children, and as you can see in my background, I had many experiences. For this reason, I have good communication skills with children. Also, due to MUN Conferences which I attended made me a positive, initiative and selflessness person. So, I'm looking forward to come to USA. Best wishes.
I feel that I should
be hired
by you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
my excellent background along with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience the camp is looking for.
Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
being around children, and as you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in my background, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences.
For this reason
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with children.
Also
, due to MUN Conferences which I attended made me a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, initiative and selflessness person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I'm looking forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
. Best wishes.
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IELTS essay why we should hire you to a camp in usa

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
78 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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