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Why we need music? and which one is important? traditional music or international music

Why we need music? and which one is important? traditional music or international music 1VEDq
as a colonial mentality, we need music as a main element in our life. At first place, emotional effect on our mind and our moods depends on type of music we can match our mood with it, when you listen to calm music you can get your body and mind more calm and relax, conversely when you want to push up your mood you can listen up beat music. Further more, music stand out as a industray many people involved it as a musican, singer, song writer, producer, writer, advertisement and etc, If you dont want behind this wide. . . you shoud now you need it and it makes your life easier, that the reason we need it in our life. I am convinced that, the advantage of traditional music is that you are supporting your culture. When you know your country artist and listen to their music you are in the circle of recognition and improve art and culture of your country and you can pass it on to your next generation. knows and listen to international music is important too. At first place, when you listen to international music you can feel how much they affect this industry and improve it and you can see and learn which way this world is moving and use it in your life, bussiness and etc.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a colonial mentality, we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a main element in our life. At
first
place, emotional effect on our mind and our moods depends on type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we can match our mood with it, when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to calm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your body and mind more calm and relax,
conversely
when you want to push up your mood you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
up beat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Further
more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
stand out as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
industray
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involved it as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
musican
, singer, song writer, producer, writer, advertisement
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
, If you
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
want behind this wide.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
you
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoud
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
you need it and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
your life easier, that the reason we need it in our life.

I
am convinced
that, the advantage of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is that you are supporting your culture. When you know your country artist and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
you are in the circle of recognition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
art and culture of your country and you can pass it on to your
next
generation.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
knows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
too. At
first
place, when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
you can feel how much they affect this industry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and learn which way this world is moving and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in your life,
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
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IELTS essay Why we need music? and which one is important? traditional music or international music

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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