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Many People Work Long Hours, Leaving Very Little Time For Leisure Activities. Do it has more advantageous or more disadvantages.

Many People Work Long Hours, Leaving Very Little Time For Leisure Activities. Do it has more advantageous or more disadvantages. 7W9q2
In this competitive world, humans tends to work more, and most of the time neglect leisure activities. In my opinion, the lifestyle of working long hours have more demerits than merits. Firstly, work which involves sitting for long time can lead to the serious health issues. Even if the person enjoy his/her work, there is always risk involved in every job which in turn cause stress. For instance, sedentary lifestyle can be the reason of obesity, and stress may effect adversely mental and physical well-being. Therefore, it is better to have some activities which appeals to an individual. Beyond, mental and physical health, it benefits in raising creative skills of a person. As a result, he/she can even perform much better at workplace which may also provides them opportunity of promotion and higher pay scale. Secondly, if someone only focus on work then they will be almost disconnected from their relatives and friends. Although working overtime will brings more money if employer pays for it, but what if we don't have time to spend that money for our pleasure. Many workaholic people, almost never spend time with their family or friends, and thus they are never aware of any news or issues related to community or relatives. It is always advisable to spend quality time with our kiths and kins because this can helps to know what's going on in our community. This means, social relationships can be stronger by staying connected. We can do something to resolve some social issues or may provide fund for improvement in our community. It will not only bring self satisfaction but also improve reputation in the society. In brief, I believe working overtime will neither brings good health nor build strong relationships or improve reputation. It will only brought in more money which will also be useless if a person has no time to spend it for a pleasure.
In this competitive world, humans tends to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more, and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
neglect leisure activities. In my opinion, the lifestyle of working long hours have more demerits than merits.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which involves sitting for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can lead to the serious health issues. Even if the person enjoy his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there is always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
involved in every job which in turn cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, sedentary lifestyle can be the reason of obesity, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
adversely
mental and physical well-being.
Therefore
, it is better to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities which appeals to an individual. Beyond, mental and physical health, it benefits in raising creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of a person.
As a result
, he/she can even perform much better at workplace which may
also
provides them opportunity of promotion and higher pay scale.

Secondly
, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "focuses", "focusses", "focused", "focussed".
focus
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
then they will be almost disconnected from their relatives and friends. Although working overtime will brings more money if employer pays for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what if we don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
that money for our pleasure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
workaholic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, almost never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family or friends, and
thus
they are never aware of any news or issues related to community or relatives. It is always advisable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our
Possible spelling mistake found.
kiths
and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "kin", the plural form of the noun 'kin'?
kins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
to know what's going on in our community. This means, social relationships can be stronger by staying connected. We can do something to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social issues or may provide fund for improvement in our community. It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
reputation in the society.

In brief
, I believe working overtime will neither brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health nor build strong relationships or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
reputation. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brought in more money which will
also
be useless if a person has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
a pleasure.
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IELTS essay Many People Work Long Hours, Leaving Very Little Time For Leisure Activities. Do it has more advantageous or more disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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