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why today's punishment to crime is cruel and unaffected

why today's punishment to crime is cruel and unaffected EpXJr
There is no doubt on that if a person does something wrong, that person deserves to be punished, however punishments can often be negotiable Nowadays we believe that if a person kills or steals we shall put that lost soul in a prison that also has many other lost people, within maximum security dungeons treated like street dogs, eating unhealthy food, surrounded by negative energy, and progressively hating each other Therefore being situated between substandard individuals causes more trouble and hate inside humans, that’s why it’s preferable not to punish the same way humans have been punishing each other for years with little to no change. Taking everything into consideration it’s still more favorable not to penalize by taking one’s freedom in fact I think we should learn them to rehabilitate and to understand how they became criminals, and to maybe help change them.
There is no doubt on that if a person does something
wrong
, that person deserves to
be punished
,
however
punishments can
often
be negotiable

Nowadays we believe that if a person kills or steals we shall put that lost soul in a prison that
also
has
many
other lost
people
, within maximum security dungeons treated like street dogs, eating unhealthy food, surrounded by
negative
energy, and
progressively
hating each other

Therefore
being situated
between substandard individuals causes more trouble and hate inside humans, that’s why it’s preferable not to punish the same way humans have been punishing each other for years with
little
to no
change
.

Taking everything into consideration it’s
still
more favorable not to penalize by taking one’s freedom in fact I
think
we should learn them to rehabilitate and to understand how they became criminals, and to maybe
help
change
them.
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IELTS essay why today's punishment to crime is cruel and unaffected

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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