Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. eRmXK
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the improvement of athletic and artistic pursuits. However, whether the government should sponsor these events in schools or in communities is a controversial issue. My view is that authorities shall give priority to investment in schooling. Firstly, it is obvious that sports and art comprise a significant part of education on campus. By participating in these courses and activities, young students can enhance their physical fitness and aesthetic appreciation, which are indispensable for their all-round growth. In contrast, professional athletics and art are usually regarded as pastimes by most citizens. Therefore, the funds should be allocated to the side that has a more profound positive impact on individuals. Moreover, the artistic and athletic development in schools relies on grants to a greater extent than that in societies. This is because most public educational institutes are non-profit. It is almost impossible for them to build cultural and sports facilities without external financial supporting, which the government undoubtedly play the most important role in. By comparison, professional art and sports can make money on their own, such as selling tickets and charging advertising fees. So governmental investment is not their only source of income. This is not to say that occupational artists and athletes are not worth taxpayer's money at all. Indeed, a wide variety of professional sports and other recreational activities can add some spice to our lives. But funds should only be spent on these things after the more basic and fundamental needs of education have been met. In sum, sports and art in schools take priority over that in communities, which call for more economic aids from the government. Meanwhile, we should not ignore fund professional sports and art where possible. Only by doing so, can we better enjoy these activities.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about the improvement of athletic and artistic pursuits.
However
, whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should sponsor these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in schools or in communities is a controversial issue. My view is that authorities shall give priority to investment in schooling.

Firstly
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
comprise a significant part of education on campus. By participating in these courses and activities, young students can enhance their physical fitness and aesthetic appreciation, which are indispensable for their all-round growth.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are
usually
regarded as pastimes by most citizens.
Therefore
, the funds should
be allocated
to the side that has a more profound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on individuals.

Moreover
, the artistic and athletic development in schools relies on grants to a greater extent than that in societies. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most public educational institutes are non-profit. It is almost impossible for them to build cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities without external financial supporting, which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
undoubtedly
play the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in. By comparison,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, such as selling tickets and charging advertising fees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
governmental investment is not their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of income.

This is not to say that occupational artists and athletes are not worth taxpayer's money at all.
Indeed
, a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and other recreational activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spice to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
funds should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be spent
on these things after the more basic and fundamental needs of education have
been met
.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in schools take priority over that in communities, which call for more economic aids from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Meanwhile, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
where possible.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, can we better enjoy these activities.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts