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why teenagers are under increasing pressure to work hard in teenagers' studies

why teenagers are under increasing pressure to work hard in teenagers' studies oVkr3
Children and young people have different education. It’s not only based on their age but it’s also based on the country they live in. This difference leads to the fact that while teenagers in some countries have much free time to do what they want, in order places, learning and working hard take up most of the youth’s spare time, which means they are under a lot of pressure nowadays. There are many causes why teenagers are under increasing pressure to work hard in teenagers' studies nowadays, but from my point of view, the first and common causes of these are grades and examinations. Most adults believe that the “smart children” have to have a high grade and be good at that examination. These causes bring teenagers to the negative thoughts that they are just intelligent when they have a high grade and good examination. If a teenager does not go to school or academics, they won’t be open-minded and abase themself. Furthermore, some teenagers cheat in the examination because if they don't have an excellent result, they will have a physical punishment. The increasing pressure to work hard in studies of teenagers so much so that a recent report of Childline said that they delivered over 2, 795 counseling sessions on exam stress between 2018-2019, with a third of these helped in April and May alone. These causes are more common in Asian countries than in Europe or American countries. Moreover, these causes are negatively affecting young people’s mental health, causing some to self-harm or suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. The second cause is parental pressures. “I just want my children to be happy”, which is a rebuttal to explain why they put so much pressure on their children. They want their children to become a more intelligent, more successful person than they are now. Psychologists call this behavior perfectionism, and it is increasing over time. According to Psychologists Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill, they said unhealthy perfectionism is increasing in teenagers, with the biggest increase in those who felt pressured by other people's expectations. As the authors of the study said, perfectionism is a mix of unduly high personal standards and severe self-criticism. Sometimes, perfectionism can lead to eating disorders, depression, high blood pressure, and thoughts of suicide. While everyone, especially teenagers’ parents, believes the only key to success in life is learning. The fact that Bill Gates gave up studying at Harvard University, a prestigious and famous university in the world, to found Microsoft. And right now he is the 4th richest people in the world according to Forbes. Additionally, the education system and school should decrease the amount of homework, examinations and encourage students to spend their leisure time pursuing hobbies, or doing what they want to do. Moreover, the education system and school shouldn’t assess students by grade, as a replacement, students should be assessed comprehensively. In conclusion, teenagers have different leisure time based on the culture where they live and how they were educated in. If we arrange rest time and work schedule properly, we can reduce unwanted anxiety, stress and increase our productivity.
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Children
and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
education. It’s not
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only
based on their age
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but
it’s
also
based on the
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country
they
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live
in. This difference leads to the fact that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have much free
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time
to do what they
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want
, in order places, learning and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
take up most of the youth’s spare
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time
, which means they are under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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pressure
nowadays.

There are
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many
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causes
why
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teenagers
are under
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increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
' studies nowadays,
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but
from my point of view, the
first
and common
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causes
of these are
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grades
and
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examinations
. Most adults believe that the “smart
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children”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have a
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
and be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examination
. These
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causes
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
intelligent when they have a
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examination
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
does not go to school or academics, they won’t be open-minded and abase
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
cheat in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they don't have an excellent result, they will have a physical punishment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in studies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a recent report of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childline
said that they delivered over 2, 795 counseling sessions on exam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
between 2018-2019, with a third of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in April and May alone. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
are more common in Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than in Europe or American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
are
negatively
affecting young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s mental health, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to self-harm or suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
is parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
. “I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be happy”, which is a rebuttal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why they put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become a more intelligent, more successful person than they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Psychologists call this behavior perfectionism, and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. According to Psychologists Thomas
Possible spelling mistake found.
Curran
and Andrew Hill, they said unhealthy perfectionism is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, with the biggest increase in those who felt pressured by other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's expectations. As the authors of the study said, perfectionism is a mix of
unduly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
personal standards and severe self-criticism.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, perfectionism can lead to eating disorders, depression,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, and thoughts of suicide.

While everyone,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
parents, believes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key to success in life is learning. The fact that Bill Gates gave up studying at Harvard University, a prestigious and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
university in the world, to found Microsoft. And right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is the 4th richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world according to Forbes.
Additionally
, the education system and school should decrease the amount of homework,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examinations
and encourage students to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
pursuing hobbies, or doing what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do.
Moreover
, the education system and school shouldn’t assess students by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
, as a replacement, students should
be assessed
comprehensively
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
based on the culture where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and how they
were educated
in. If we arrange rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and work schedule
properly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unwanted anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and increase our productivity.
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IELTS essay why teenagers are under increasing pressure to work hard in teenagers' studies

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
520 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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