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Why students like to play computer games more than sports? How do we tackle this problem?

Why students like to play computer games more than sports? How do we tackle this problem? gb07l
Nowadays, students tend to play computer games more than sports. It is also proven by the survey that The Times have done, that there are 60% of students that play video games. This happens because of many factors. Firstly, computer games are more attractive because they have nice visuals and graphic effects which attract the student to play the games. In addition, when they explore the game more and find nicer graphic and visual designs, the more they get interested in the game. Secondly, they are too lazy to do physical activities. A lot of students tend to play video games more because it doesn’t involve any physical activity which can make their body tired. Besides, most video games only make their eyes tired. Thirdly, they don’t know much about the advantages of doing sports which makes them don’t understand what actually sports can do with their body and the importance of doing it. On the other hand, they also shall know the disadvantages of playing computer games and their impact. Apart from that, we should know that sports are better than computer games. Sports make our body healthy, strong, etc. Since computer games just make our eyes hurt, not a healthy body because of the lack of exercising, etc. However, many students still didn't understand it. Definitely, we have to tackle this problem where students love to play computer games more than sports. At this time, we could try some ways that would make them realize sports are better than computer games. We could try to introduce them to some fun sports games which would motivate them to do sports. Moreover, we can also explain to them the importance of sports. Finally, we could try to do the sport itself. Others can see that we also do sports so that they also have the desire to do the same. However, it should be noted that playing computer games for me-time is totally not wrong. We can play them but we should remember that we should have the balance between playing computer games and doing sports.
Nowadays,
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students
tend to
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play
computer
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games
more than
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sports
. It is
also
proven by the survey that The Times have done, that there are 60% of
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students
that
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play
video
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games
. This happens
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because
of
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many
factors.
Firstly
, computer
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games
are more attractive
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because
they have nice visuals and graphic effects which attract the
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student
to
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play
the
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games
.
In addition
, when they explore the game more and find nicer graphic and visual designs, the more they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interested in the game.
Secondly
, they are too lazy to do physical activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
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students
tend to
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play
video
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games
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it doesn’t involve any physical activity which can
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make
their
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body
tired.
Besides
, most video
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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make
their eyes tired.
Thirdly
, they don’t know much about the advantages of doing
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sports
which
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makes
them don’t understand what actually
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sports
can do with their
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body
and the importance of doing it.
On the other hand
, they
also
shall know the disadvantages of playing computer
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games
and their impact.

Apart from that, we should know that
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sports
are better than computer
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games
.
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Sports
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make
our
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body
healthy, strong, etc. Since computer
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games
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just
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make
our eyes hurt, not a healthy
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body
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because
of the lack of exercising, etc.
However
,
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many
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students
still
didn't understand it. Definitely, we
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have to
tackle this problem where
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
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play
computer
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games
more than
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sports
. At this time, we could try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways that would
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make
them realize
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sports
are better than computer
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games
. We could try to introduce them to
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some
fun
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sports
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games
which would motivate them to do
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sports
.
Moreover
, we can
also
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explain
to them the importance of
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sports
.
Finally
, we could try to do the
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sport
itself. Others can
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see
that we
also
do
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sports
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so
that they
also
have the desire to do the same.
However
, it should
be noted
that playing computer
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games
for me-time is
totally
not
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wrong
. We can
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play
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should remember that we should have the balance between playing computer
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games
and doing
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sports
.
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IELTS essay Why students like to play computer games more than sports? How do we tackle this problem?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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