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why should gender discrimination be eliminated

why should gender discrimination be eliminated GWBmL
It is critical to remove from the equation. There are many reasons why we should eliminate gender discrimination. Beginning with women, the excessive of getting rid of gender stereotypes helps them more dreamless and supports ladies to be more confident of participating in several study activities and gain experience. Turning to men who are the breadwinner of their families, men may alleviate financial stress. This is mainly because women can earn a living and can be a breadwinner. What is more, eliminating gender discrimination is a great of improving society to be more civilized and developed. The reason for this is that if we can remove gender discrimination, all members of the family can make a great contribution to expanding the family. Hence, society can be more civilized. In general, it is very important to eliminate gender discrimination for many reasons.
It is critical to remove from the equation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why we should eliminate gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrimination
. Beginning with women,
The phrase 'the excessive of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the excessive of
getting rid of gender stereotypes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them more dreamless and supports ladies to be more confident of participating in several study activities and gain experience. Turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who are the breadwinner of their families,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
may alleviate financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
women can earn a living and can be a breadwinner.
What is more
, eliminating gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrimination
is a great of improving society to be more civilized and developed.
The reason for this is
that if we can remove gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrimination
, all members of the family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to expanding the family.
Hence
, society can be more civilized.
In general
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to eliminate gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discrimination
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
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IELTS essay why should gender discrimination be eliminated

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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