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why people move to other countries ?

why people move to other countries? yXbdP
In the US currently, many serious problems are happening and affecting citizens. One of the most important issues is the wall between the US and Mexico, which President Trump is trying to build to prevent people moving from Mexico to the US. Why Mexicans are leaving their country? . This tendency is increasing not only in Mexico, but also in many countries around the world because of many reasons. Three main reasons are education, family, and freedom. First of all, people move to a new country because they want to get a better education. This tendency is becoming very popular in today’s society, and it usually helps people to get a better job in the future. To be specific, some individuals live in poor countries where they do not get good training or education, so they move to new countries in which offer higher and more professional education, such as the US or the UK to gain advanced knowledge and higher degrees. For example, my older brother studied in Viet Nam, but it was hard for him to get a good paying job after graduating. Therefore, he decided to move to the US to study, and he got a Bachelor degree in a good school. Now he is working in a big company with high and stable salary in Viet Nam. Another reason why people move to a new country is they want to live with their family. Some people get married to foreigners, so they might move to their spouse’s country. Taking my cousin as an example, she got married to a Japanese man. Therefore, she went to Japan to live with her husband. Furthermore, some individuals whose parents are US citizens live in poor countries move to the USA to live with their parents and have a better life. However, this is not the most important reason why people leave their countries. Finally, people migrate to a new country because they want to be free. In other words, in some countries, people do not have the rights that they deserve, and the governments are ineffective. As a result, the citizens need to look for a new place to live, and they usually migrate to developed countries, like the US or the UK. For instance, my Chinese friend dose not want to stay in China because the government monitor the Internet usage of their citizens. The Chinese government not only blocked a lot of Internet websites, but also banned Facebook, YouTube, or even Google in China. Therefore, people do not feel like they have freedom in China. As a result, my friend and her family left China and moved to the US last year. In addition, there is no right to free speech in some countries, like North Korea. The government totally control everything. This is unfair and makes people uncomfortable. Hence, people usually leave their countries to find a new country with freedom. All things considered, the number of people who move to new countries is growing continuously every year because of these important reasons. People can learn new skills and gain more advanced knowledge in a new country. Moreover, they can move to new countries to live with their family, and enjoy their lives better with freedom.
In the US
currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious problems are happening and affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues is the wall between the US and Mexico, which President Trump is trying to build to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving from Mexico to the US. Why Mexicans are leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This tendency is increasing not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Mexico,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. Three main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and freedom.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This tendency is becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society, and it
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job in the future. To be specific,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
training or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in which offer higher and more professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, such as the US or the UK to gain advanced knowledge and higher degrees.
For example
, my older brother studied in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
paying job after graduating.
Therefore
, he decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to the US to study, and he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a Bachelor degree in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with high and stable salary in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married to foreigners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to their spouse’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Taking my cousin as an example, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married to a Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Therefore
, she went to Japan to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with her husband.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals whose parents are US
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to the USA to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their parents and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.
However
, this is not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their countries.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be free.
In other words
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the rights that they deserve, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are ineffective.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
need to look for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, and they
usually
migrate to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, like the US or the UK.
For instance
, my Chinese friend dose not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to stay in China
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
monitor the Internet usage of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. The Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
blocked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Internet websites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
banned Facebook, YouTube, or even Google in China.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not feel like they have freedom in China.
As a result
, my friend and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
China and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the US last year.
In addition
, there is no right to free speech in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, like North Korea. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
totally
control everything. This is unfair and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
uncomfortable.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with freedom.

All things considered, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is growing
continuously
every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and gain more advanced knowledge in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
with freedom.
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IELTS essay why people move to other countries?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
540 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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