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Altruism and study of meerkats

Altruism and study of meerkats E36KL
The discussion here is about atruistic behaviour commonly observed in animals and mammals like humans too. Altruism is a practice of selfless act. Altruist person gains nothing and practices austerity at a low level. That person or animal lives in self denial. Sometimes the altruist may gain some intangible values like appreciation in society and might be at a safer place. Sometimes atruists are also misunderstood to being wicked. The passage discusses atruistic behaviour observed in meerkats. A standing guard known as sentinel protects the group of meerkats while they are finding food and sends an alarming signal when the predator like hawk is seen. To which the lecture makes an opposite statement, based on the recent very keenly observed study on meerkats, the lecturer says the alarming sign might catch the attention of the predator and the other meerkat's of the same group might be at greater danger. The passage states when other meerkats of the group are eating the sentinel stands outside and if the predator comes the guard gets nothing to eat and there is no gain for the guard. In contrast to this the lecture says the guard eats first so it has a full stomach and since the guard is standing outside he has a better chance to escape and run towards the burrow. Moreover the passage compares the same altruistic behaviour in humans, when a person donates his/her kidney to a relative or a stranger he gets nothing in return although the lecture mentions the increased self worth in the family and appreciation is a kind of non-material gain. To conclude, the passage states that altruists gain nothing in return. But the lecture mentions the perks and intangible gains, which are also equally important, received by selfless animals and people.
The discussion here is about
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atruistic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
commonly
observed in animals and mammals like humans too. Altruism is a practice of selfless act. Altruist person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nothing
and practices austerity at a low level. That person or animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self denial
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the altruist may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intangible values like appreciation in society and might be at a safer place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
Possible spelling mistake found.
atruists
are
also
misunderstood to
being wicked
.

The
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passage
discusses
Possible spelling mistake found.
atruistic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
observed in
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkats
. A standing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guard
known as sentinel protects the group of
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkats
while they are finding food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
an alarming signal when the predator like hawk is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. To which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an opposite statement, based on the recent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keenly
observed study on
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkats
, the lecturer says the alarming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
might catch the attention of the predator and the other
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'meerkat'.
meerkat's
of the same group might be at greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

The
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passage
states when other
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkats
of the group are eating the sentinel stands outside and if the predator
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
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nothing
to eat and there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guard
.
In contrast
to this the
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lecture
says the
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guard
eats
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has a full stomach and since the
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guard
is standing outside he has a better chance to escape and run towards the burrow.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the
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passage
compares the same altruistic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in humans, when a person donates his/her kidney to a relative or a stranger he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nothing
in return although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
mentions the increased
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self worth
in the family and appreciation is a kind of non-material gain.

To conclude
, the
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passage
states that altruists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nothing
in return.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
mentions the perks and intangible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gains
, which are
also
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, received by selfless animals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay Altruism and study of meerkats

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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