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why owning a home is more important than renting one

why owning a home is more important than renting one 3anJb
I agree with the opinion that owning home is very important rather than renting one. Renting home make us have to choose the home that has been build which means the model may not as we expected or as we want. Yeah although straight owning home is also sometimes not always as we expected because the design not always match as we want. But the advantage is more for long term condition. If we own our home, we can freely live there and carry out activities as we want without any worries like, the home is stopped for rent suddenly by the owner. Or, if any damage occur, we have to fix it by ours, because the owner not always willing to help us fix their assets. Other than that we still have to pay the rent bill. I see many people around me here, in Jakarta, live in rented house for years. May be they are original from Jakarta or immigrant. They have to pay the bill routine, but imagine if they buy the house at the beginning. They will have the house for theirs at the end. Indeed the cost to have a house is so huge. If you have any chance to buy, I think it is better to buy it. More over now there are many developer that can grant us installment scheme. Yeah may be it will takes years also to finish, but the end we have a certainty that the building will be ours. If at the beginning we were not commit to buy the house and prefer to rent it, we don’t know when we will have our own home. But if you already live in rent house, it’s okay. You can make a plan from now to have your own house. You can negotiate to the owner to buy the building. Or if the owner don’t wat to sell, You’d better search for a new house with installment scheme. It’s not that different from renting a house right?
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that owning home is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
rather
than renting one. Renting home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose the home that has been build which means the model may not as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
or as we want.
Interjections are usually punctuated.
Yeah
although straight owning home is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
not always as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the design not always match as we want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the advantage is more for long term condition. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
our home, we can
freely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there and carry out activities as we want without any worries like, the home is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
suddenly
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
. Or, if any damage occur, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it by ours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
not always willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their assets. Other than that we
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
bill.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around me here, in Jakarta,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
for years.
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
May be
they are original from Jakarta or immigrant. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay the bill routine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
imagine if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
at the beginning. They will have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
for theirs at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
the cost to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
huge. If you have any chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it. More over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are
Possible agreement error. The noun developer seems to be countable; consider using: "many developers".
many developer
that can grant us installment scheme.
Interjections are usually punctuated.
Yeah
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "take"
takes
years
also
to finish,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
we have a certainty that the building will be ours. If at the beginning we were not
Consider using a past participle here: "committed".
commit
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
and prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
it, we don’t know when we will have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if you already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, it’s okay. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plan from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to have your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. You can negotiate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the building. Or if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
don’
Possible spelling mistake found.
t wat
to sell, You’d better search for a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with installment scheme. It’s not that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from renting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
right?
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IELTS essay why owning a home is more important than renting one

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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