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Why money can't buy you happiness

Why money can't buy you happiness PM1Bj
In this day and age, many people hold the view that the wealthier they are, the more joy and happiness they will have. To my mind, money can bring us short-term satisfaction, but little long-term happiness. With a large amount of money, people can buy new things and build a higher social status. They waste their money on things such as the latest mobile phone or a bigger house although their current ones are still good because such new things make people avoid the feeling of a loser in the wealth race. However, those things can never satisfy people's greed, as when people can afford something, they will want something better than the old one. In addition, happiness is more likely to appear in ordinary things and moments in life. For instance, people often consider moments like watching the sunset, having a picnic, or being together with family and friends as their happiest memories, not when they are promoted or have a new house. On the other hand, money somewhat makes people happy. If we spend money in line with our personality, it can meet our most fundamental needs and preference, which is a part of happiness, satisfaction and fulfilment. Moreover, with financial stability, people will live more happily without thinking about the lack of money.
In this day and age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
hold the view that the wealthier they are, the more joy and happiness they will have. To my mind,
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money
can bring us short-term satisfaction,
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but
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little
long-term happiness.

With a large amount of
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money
,
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people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new things and build a higher social status. They waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on things such as the latest mobile phone or a bigger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
although their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
ones are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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because
such new things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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people
avoid the feeling of a loser in the wealth race.
However
, those things can never satisfy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's greed, as when
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people
can afford something, they will want something better than the
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old
one.
In addition
, happiness is more likely to appear in ordinary things and moments in life.
For instance
,
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider moments like watching the sunset, having a picnic, or being together with family and friends as their happiest memories, not when they
are promoted
or have a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

On the other hand
,
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money
somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy. If we spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in line with our personality, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our most fundamental needs and preference, which is a part of happiness, satisfaction and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.
Moreover
, with financial stability,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more
happily
without thinking about the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Why money can't buy you happiness

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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