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Why is air pollution a global health concern

Why is air pollution a global health concern KYKl6
I think there are many environmental issues all over the world. And air pollution is one of the serious environmental problems. It is believed that using fossil fuels in factories and increasing usage of private cars has a major impact on this matter o fact. If this trend continues, it will affect global health because the amount of oxygen will reduce and will cause some diseases. For example, it is said that air pollution can cause diseases such as lung cancer and heart disease. Furthermore, air pollution has taken a heavy toll on the environmental cycle and especially has a major impact on animals' life and nature. Because it can lead to increased pollution, natural habitat loss, and putting more pressure on endangered species. Therefore it's really important to come up with some plans and policies to reduce the amount of air pollution in the future. In my opinion, it's essential that government should roll out some strategies against this trend to decrease factory emissions. On the other hand, To me seems that one promising technique is to set a careful and sustained program of conservation to inform People and increase their knowledge about special spices. This solution can increase the affection by involving volunteers program and NGO’s
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmental issues all over the world. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is one of the serious environmental problems. It
is believed
that using fossil fuels in factories and increasing usage of private cars has a major impact on this matter o fact. If this trend continues, it will affect global health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the amount of oxygen will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases.
For example
, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
can cause diseases such as lung cancer and heart disease.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
has taken a heavy toll on the environmental cycle and
especially
has a major impact on animals' life and nature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it can lead to increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, natural habitat loss, and putting more pressure on endangered species.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it's
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plans and policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
in the future. In my opinion, it's essential that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should roll out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies against this trend to decrease factory emissions.
On the other hand
, To me seems that one promising technique is to set a careful and sustained program of conservation to inform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
and increase their knowledge about special spices. This solution can increase the affection by involving volunteers program and NGO’
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
s

IELTS essay Why is air pollution a global health concern

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
207 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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