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Why do some people do not do sport?

Why do some people do not do sport? DVda6
Nowadays everyone believes sport is useful for their health. On the other hand, some people do not take part in doing sport for some reasons that barrier them to participate it. First of all, these days people's schedule is very compact and they work hard during the day, so they do not have much time to put exercise in their daily routines. Furthermore, some sports like ski needs immense money to have joy because the accessories of it are really expensive to provide then do not follow their eager sport. Last but not least, some people do not have motivation, in addition, they do not do sport therefore instead of that they prefer to stay at home. (117 words)
Nowadays everyone believes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is useful for their health.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that barrier them to participate it.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, these days
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "peoples"?
people's
schedule is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
compact and
they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
during the day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have much time to put exercise in their daily routines.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like ski needs immense money to have joy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the accessories of it are
really
expensive to provide then do not follow their eager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have motivation,
in addition
, they do not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
therefore
instead
of that they prefer to stay at home. (117 words)

IELTS essay Why do some people do not do sport?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
118 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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