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Why are you applying for Financial Aid?

Why are you applying for Financial Aid? BJ3am
I am a student from Iran. I have studied industrial engineering and i want to continue my education. I want to learn more related subjects to my field. I think it will be beneficial for my studies. But I’ve no job of my own to carry the expenses to pay for the certificate of this course. It is so difficult for me to gather such amount of money for the certificate. Financial Aid will help me take this course without any adverse impact on my monthly essential needs. So I’m in need of this financial aid. I want to take this course as I want to learn. This course will boost my job prospects after graduation. It will help perform better in understanding and learning this field and give me an edge over my competitors. A verified certificate will attach credibility to the certificate I receive from this course.
I am a student from Iran. I have studied industrial engineering and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to continue my education.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to learn more related subjects to my field.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will be beneficial for my studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I’ve no job of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to carry the expenses to pay for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certificate
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult for me to gather such amount of money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certificate
. Financial Aid will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me take this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
without any adverse impact on my monthly essential needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I’m in need of this financial aid. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to take this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
as I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to learn. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
will boost my job prospects after graduation. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
perform better in understanding and learning this field and give me an edge over my competitors. A verified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certificate
will attach credibility to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certificate
I receive from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
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IELTS essay Why are you applying for Financial Aid?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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