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MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES HAVE HAD HAD A HUGE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE?

MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES HAVE HAD HAD A HUGE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY. QLx2K
Experts throughout both developing and developed nations debate whether advent of social media has positive impact on human beings or it contradicts the statement. The essay will look on both the sides and thus come to a conclusion. The main reasons for this are three folded, firstly, social networking is very much addictive. Not only it affects mental health of adolescents but also makes their lifestyle sedentary. For instance, in a survey done by University of Mumbai stated that youth and adults spend almost half of their life browsing social networks. Secondly, social networking sites makes an individual home sick. They are not able to cope up with the real world. To illustrate this statement, I would like to share an example. I have a niece who stays in the USA, I used to talk to her on WhatsApp on regular basis but when she arrived to India, she lacked confidence while talking to me. Lastly, Cyber-attack is the reason why social networking has a bad influence on the society. People make unknown friends, share their information such as videos, pictures or an any other valuable thing, due to lack of security mishap takes place. Recently while I was reading a newspaper, I had gone through an article which stated that in Bangalore a girl made a friend on Facebook. They used to talk, laugh and share information through this social networking site. One fine day, that person called that girl and blackmailed her that if she doesn’t give 20 lakhs, then the person would disclose all the information. Eventually the person was a fraud and had done many scandals before. On a flip side, with the help of social networking site one can connect easily to another person in any part of the world. It is due to social media; small business can sell their products internationally. For instance, I can connect to my uncle and aunt who stays 13000 km far from us. To conclude, very thing is like a coin, that is having 2 sides. But I personally believe the negative impacts of social media outweighs positive side because one can sustain business if not done globally, but an individual won’t be able to live if his/her mental and physical health is affected.
Experts throughout both developing and developed nations debate whether advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on human beings or it contradicts the statement. The essay will look on both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a conclusion.

The main reasons for this are three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'folded' seems to be countable, so consider using: "folds".
folded
,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much addictive. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it affects mental health of adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their lifestyle sedentary.
For instance
, in a survey done by University of Mumbai stated that youth and adults spend almost half of their life browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual home sick. They are not able to cope up with the real world. To illustrate this statement, I would like to share an example. I have a niece who stays in the USA, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to talk to her on WhatsApp on regular basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when she arrived to India, she lacked confidence while talking to me.
Lastly
, Cyber-attack is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unknown friends, share their information such as videos, pictures or an any other valuable thing, due to lack of security mishap takes place. Recently while I was reading a newspaper, I had gone through an article which stated that in Bangalore a girl made a friend on Facebook. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to talk, laugh and share information through this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking site. One fine day, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
called that girl and blackmailed her that if she doesn’t give 20 lakhs, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would disclose all the information.
Eventually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
was a fraud and had done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scandals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

On a flip side, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking site one can connect
easily
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in any part of the world. It is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business can sell their products
internationally
.
For instance
, I can connect to my uncle and aunt who stays 13000 km far from us.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
thing is like a coin,
that is
having 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
personally
believe the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media outweighs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one can sustain business if not done globally,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an individual won’t be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
if his/her mental and physical health is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
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IELTS essay MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES HAVE HAD HAD A HUGE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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