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who should take care of our old people

who should take care of our old people yNyod
In my country, most old people live happily with their children. Increasingly, however, many families can not take care of their parents. This essay will describe some of the problems involved with taking care of old people and discuss who should be responsible. First of all, taking care of old people is our sacred duty. Because devote their life for us, for their children. They bring up us, educate and look after us in any circumstance. They spend major part of lives in building and shaping our life and carrier. During their old days, they also want support love and care from us. Thus it is our responsibility to repay them in their old ages. But, unfortunately in today's world there are some youths, who are seen ignoring their moral duties. They even don't want to spare time for their parents. And thus they prefer to put their old parents in old age homes rather than taking care of them. Generally an old person faces different health issues and he or she becomes more fretful for some youths these are a burden. This is very unfortunate. One day when they will get old, they will understand the importance of elderly care. To sum up, I would like to say that, be sure to love your parents, treat them always with loving care. For one day we will only know their value, when we se their empty chair.
In my country, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
with their children.
Increasingly
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families can not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems involved with taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and discuss who should be responsible.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is our sacred duty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
devote their life for us, for their children. They bring up us, educate and look after us in any circumstance. They spend major part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in building and shaping our life and carrier. During their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
days, they
also
want support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
from us.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is our responsibility to repay them in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, unfortunately in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youths, who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
ignoring their moral duties. They even don't want to spare time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. And
thus
they prefer to put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age homes
rather
than taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them.
Generally
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
person faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
issues and
he or she becomes more fretful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youths these are a burden. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unfortunate. One day when they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, they will understand the importance of elderly care.

To sum up, I would like to say that, be sure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, treat them always with loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. For one day we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know their value, when we
Possible spelling mistake found.
se their
empty chair.
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IELTS essay who should take care of our old people

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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