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who should pay intuition fees, students or the government

who should pay intuition fees, students or the government JqaL6
Many people insist that the educational expense of university graduates should be borne by themselves. According to them, when someone studies at university it benefits them more than it benefits the community or nation. However, I firmly believe that it is useful for individuals and society and hence universities should continue giving scholarships not to everyone, but to meritorious candidates. To start with, some shortsighted individuals argue that this trend is only fruitful for students. The reality is that it is advantageous for both society and individuals. For example, suppose that a medical school provides a scholarship for a meritorious candidate. After graduation, he/she will be a highly competent doctor or a health worker who can save thousands of people’s lives and serve humanity. The same is the case with any other job such as that of an engineer, teacher or researcher. Universities should nurture the skills of worthy students who are ready to endeavor to achieve success, thereby fostering talented professionals who can do their job to the best of their ability and bring prosperity to the nation. In addition, education should never be made a business. Many governments in the world have allocated a good proportion of their national budgets for education. If a candidate is hard-working and deserving, they should have the opportunity to pursue higher studies regardless of their financial situation. That will empower people to acquire their dream job even if their financial status is weak. By contrast, if universities charge a fee for every admission, many bright minds from the underprivileged background will be deprived of opportunities. Moreover, graduate programs offered by universities can mold skilled professionals only if the students admitted are passionate and motivated. If they allocate seats simply based on fees, the course will have a mix of worthy and undeserving students, taking away other potential candidates’ opportunities. In conclusion, I reiterate that universities should continue giving / providing free education to deserving candidates. That will create very capable professionals who can serve other people and improve the quality of our lives.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that the educational expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates should
be borne
by themselves. According to them, when someone studies at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
it benefits them more than it benefits the community or nation.
However
, I
firmly
believe that it is useful for individuals and society and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should continue giving scholarships not to everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to meritorious candidates.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shortsighted individuals argue that this trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fruitful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The reality is that it is advantageous for both society and individuals.
For example
, suppose that a medical school provides a scholarship for a meritorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
. After graduation, he/she will be a
highly
competent doctor or a health worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can save thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and serve humanity. The same is the case with any other job such as that of an engineer, teacher or researcher.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
should nurture the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are ready to endeavor to achieve success, thereby fostering talented professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can do their job to the best of their ability and bring prosperity to the nation.

In addition
, education should never
be made
a business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in the world have allocated a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
proportion of their national budgets for education. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working and deserving, they should have the opportunity to pursue higher studies regardless of their financial situation. That will empower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to acquire their dream job even if their financial status is weak. By contrast, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
charge a fee for every admission,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bright minds from the underprivileged background will
be deprived
of opportunities.
Moreover
, graduate programs offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
can mold skilled professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
admitted are passionate and motivated. If they allocate seats
simply
based on fees, the course will have a mix of worthy and undeserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, taking away other potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates’
opportunities.

In conclusion
, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should continue giving / providing free education to deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
. That will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
capable professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can serve other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay who should pay intuition fees, students or the government

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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