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While, some people think playing video games is waste of time and it can adverse effect on the health of players.I am completely disagree with this statement. I will discuss their merits in the following paragraphs.

While, some people think playing video games is waste of time and it can adverse effect on the health of players. I am completely disagree with this statement. I will discuss their merits in the following paragraphs. yXLNr
While some people think playing video games is a waste of time and it can adversely effect on the health of players. I completely disagree with this statement. I will discuss their merits in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are myriad reasons why i believe that playing video games is worthwhile. The first and the foremost thing is, if they play video games then their mind feels refreshing as well as, they will learn new strategies. Moreover, their families will spend more time with them while playing video games. In other words, they improve their social skills also. Furthermore, if they play video games, they will boost their attention and concentration power. Additionally, they can enhance their memory while playing video games. In addition, if they play video games then they can raise their multitasking skills. Besides, it is a great source of learning. They can upgrade their problem- solving skills as well. Further, when they playing video games, they feel energetic. However, if they play video games, their coordination power increases. Last but not least, they improve their brain's speed too. To sum up, in my opinion, playing video games is very useful for players. As i already discussed above that they can feel energize as well as they can improve their concentration power. On the other hand, they spend more time with their families. While, playing video games, they can enhance their memory. It is a great source of learning. they feel refresh while playing video games.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a waste of time and it can
adversely
effect on the health of players. I completely disagree with this statement. I will discuss their merits in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are myriad reasons why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is worthwhile. The
first
and the foremost thing is, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
then their mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
refreshing
as well
as, they will learn new strategies.
Moreover
, their families will spend more time with them while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
In other words
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
also
.

Furthermore
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they will boost their attention and concentration power.
Additionally
, they can enhance their memory while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
In addition
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
then they can raise their multitasking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Besides
, it is a great source of learning. They can upgrade their problem- solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
.
Further
, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
energetic.
However
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, their coordination power increases. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their brain's speed too.

To sum up, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for players. As
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
already discussed above that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
energize
as well
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their concentration power.
On the other hand
, they spend more time with their families. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they can enhance their memory. It is a great source of learning.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
refresh while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay While, some people think playing video games is waste of time and it can adverse effect on the health of players. I am completely disagree with this statement. I will discuss their merits in the following paragraphs.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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