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While some people argue that governments should shoulder their responsibility to ensure their citizens have a healthy diet;

While some people argue that governments should shoulder their responsibility to ensure their citizens have a healthy diet; 0lVn5
Some individuals think that they should take care of themselves about health and diet, whereas others think that the government should ensure their citizens have a healthy diet. In this essay, I will discuss both views. Personally, I believe that in some cases it is the business of state administration but at the same time, it is the responsibility of individuals. First of all, I think everyone should take care of themselves. Because no one is the same, everyone has different lives and jobs, it is necessary for individuals to take responsibility for their health and diet. Therefore, the choice of how to eat determines the health of each person is up to each individual. In addition, there must also be the right choice of food. For example, when choosing food, choose fresh food that's right for you and has an expiration date. Partly I choose the first point of view because only each person knows what he or she wants and likes. So it's up to each person to decide if you're healthy and what your diet should be. On the other hand, for each individual taking care of themselves, the government must also take appropriate measures, support the health of its citizens. In addition, the government can work with localities and health workers to promote a healthy diet, exercise, as well as conduct periodic health checks for people to eat so that each citizen has a full enough knowledge and skills about your health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should take care of themselves about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and diet, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure their citizens have a healthy diet. In this essay, I will discuss both views.
Personally
, I believe that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases it is the business of state administration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
everyone should take care of themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
no one is the same, everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and jobs, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to take responsibility for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and diet.
Therefore
, the choice of how to eat determines the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of each person is up to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
In addition
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be the right choice of food.
For example
, when choosing food, choose fresh food that's right for you and has an expiration date. Partly I choose the
first
point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
each person knows what he or she wants and likes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's up to each person to decide if you're healthy and what your diet should be.

On the other hand
, for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
taking care of themselves, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
take appropriate measures, support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of its citizens.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can work with localities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
workers to promote a healthy diet, exercise,
as well
as conduct periodic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that each citizen has a full
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
about your
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
health
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IELTS essay While some people argue that governments should shoulder their responsibility to ensure their citizens have a healthy diet;

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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