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While some keep pets for personal pleasures and other propose, others feels that it is a selfish decision. whom do you favour?

While some keep pets for personal pleasures and other propose, others feels that it is a selfish decision. whom do you favour? BMYY6
Keeping pets is an age-old trend which is going on from the days of kings and queens. They are generally kept for affection and fun that they provide. Different animals and birds like a dog, cats, rabbit, parrots etc. are kept as pets. The system of keeping pets is very common in developed countries. The reason of keeping pets there are different altogether. There, they mostly stay either alone or in nuclear families, so they are always in need of company. The emptiness in their lives is filled by pets, which are always known to give a warm and faithful company and unconditional love. This type of contentment helps the owners relieve their stress and remain emotionally balanced. Pet have other uses also. For instance, if pet is a dog, then it can help in guarding our house, and if it is a cat, then house can be freed of mice. On the other hand, keeping pets has a negative side too. It is a quite a extravagant to keep a pet and most of the time only rich class could afford it, so nowadays it is more of status symbols than emotional reason. Pets needs constant attention, so there should be one personal constantly occupied after them. If we want to go out, then we have to make proper arrangement for them. Sometime guest are not comfortable to enter the house with pets. Pets also require proper cleaning and training otherwise, they make the house dirty. Often when they pass away, family members could not come out of the shock for days. It depends on and individual’s choice whether to keep a pet or not. I personally do not favour keeping pets as I feel one has no right to take away their freedom just for personal pleasure.
Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
is an age-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
trend which is going on from the days of kings and queens. They are
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
for affection and fun that they provide.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
animals and birds like a dog, cats, rabbit, parrots etc. are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
. The system of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. The reason of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
altogether. There, they
mostly
stay either alone or in nuclear families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are always in need of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The emptiness in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is filled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
, which are always known to give a warm and faithful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. This type of contentment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the owners relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and remain
emotionally
balanced. Pet have other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
also
.
For instance
, if pet is a dog, then it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in guarding our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, and if it is a cat, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
can
be freed
of mice.
On the other hand
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side too. It is a quite
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
extravagant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a pet and most of the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
could afford it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
nowadays it is more of status symbols than emotional reason.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Pet needs" or "Pets need".
Pets needs
constant attention,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there should be one personal
constantly
occupied after them. If we want to go out, then we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper arrangement for them. Sometime guest are not comfortable to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pets
also
require proper cleaning and training
otherwise
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
dirty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
when they pass away, family members could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of the shock for days. It depends on and individual’s choice whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a pet or not. I
personally
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
as I feel one has no right to take away their freedom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for personal pleasure.
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IELTS essay While some keep pets for personal pleasures and other propose, others feels that it is a selfish decision. whom do you favour?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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