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Fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, business. Why? What can be done to take their interest back to arts?

Fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, business. Why? What can be done to take their interest back to arts? m2L5n
Having been considered an essential part of human culture for a long period of time, art does not frequently get proper attention from young people nowadays. In the pursuit of acknowledgement and status in modern society many people tend to choose such spheres as technology, business, science, forgetting about the importance of arts. What are the underlying causes of this and what could be done to remind about the significance of art? The main reason art has become “redundant” in recent years is the change of paradigm in our society. Being told since the yearly years about the importance of getting a well-paid and solid job, young people do not take such cultural sphere as art seriously. They do not believe that it can bring them money and stability fast enough. Indeed, hearing the saying that “artist must be starving” does not create a picture of a bright future in most of them. Another reason is inextricably intertwined with the attitude towards the people of art. Many people suppose that creative subjects and jobs are childish and somehow inferior to the standardized pool of jobs such as an entrepreneur or a scientist. The people from those spheres are seen to be in a way complacent to the people of art. So, the two most important reasons that art has become less appreciated in recent years, in my opinion, are connected with money and status; therefore, the key point to bring this sphere back its significance is to reassure people that committing to cultural jobs, especially if they are fond of one them, is actually worth the efforts. Crucial here is to give them vivid examples. There are plenty of people who have become rich, and famous, and joyful due to doing art. To conclude, there are indeed an inclination towards such spheres as science, business and technology. It does not mean that its right and cannot be changed. If we start promoting the values that art brings to us, we will surely see an increase in number of people interested in this sphere again.
Having
been considered
an essential part of human culture for a long period of time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
does not
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper attention from young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays. In the pursuit of
Possible spelling mistake. 'acknowledgement' is British English.
acknowledgement
and status in modern society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to choose such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spheres
as technology, business, science, forgetting about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. What are the underlying causes of this and what could
be done
to remind about the significance of art?

The main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has become “redundant” in recent years is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of paradigm in our society. Being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
since the yearly years about the importance of getting a well-paid and solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not take such cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sphere
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
seriously
. They do not believe that it can bring them money and stability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
Indeed
, hearing the saying that “artist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be starving” does not create a picture of a bright future in most of them.

Another reason is
inextricably
intertwined with the attitude towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that creative subjects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are childish and somehow inferior to the standardized pool of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as an entrepreneur or a scientist. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spheres
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be in a way complacent to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of art.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the two most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has become less appreciated in recent years, in my opinion,
are connected
with money and status;
therefore
, the key point to bring this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sphere
back its significance is to reassure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that committing to cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
especially
if they are fond of one them, is actually worth the efforts. Crucial here is to give them vivid examples. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have become rich, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, and joyful due to doing art.

To conclude
, there are
indeed
an inclination towards such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spheres
as science, business and technology. It does not mean that its right and cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
promoting the values that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
brings to us, we will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an increase in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interested in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sphere
again.
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IELTS essay Fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, business. Why? What can be done to take their interest back to arts?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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