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While I agree that the government should assist an individual to showcase their talent because they don't have enough awareness, but it also a fact that there are numerous opportunity available outside in the world. Thus, I believe that in order to grow and be successful in one's career one should be keen enough to utilise such an advantage.

While I agree that the government should assist an individual to showcase their talent because they don't have enough awareness, but it also a fact that there are numerous opportunity available outside in the world. Thus, I believe that in order to grow and be successful in one's career one should be keen enough to utilise such an advantage. 8Qonl
It is a belief that one can attain a good job opportunity simply by graduating from a university. So, it has been proposed that the government should fund the institutes which in return educate the people without any cost. While this undoubtedly benefits the nation, however I think otherwise. I am opposed to this because I think there are lots of other important initiative such as agriculture, infrastructure etc where government has to pay attention.
It is a belief that one can attain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job opportunity
simply
by graduating from a university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it has
been proposed
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should fund the institutes which in return educate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without any cost. While this
undoubtedly
benefits the nation,
however
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. I
am opposed
to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are lots of other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
initiative such as agriculture, infrastructure etc where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay attention.

IELTS essay While I agree that the government should assist an individual to showcase their talent because they don't have enough awareness, but it also a fact that there are numerous opportunity available outside in the world. Thus, I believe that in order to grow and be successful in one's career one should be keen enough to utilise such an advantage.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
75 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • While I agree that the government should assist an individual to showcase their talent because they don't have enough awareness, but it also a fact that there are numerous opportunity available outside in the world. Thus, I believe that in order to grow and be successful in one's career one should be keen enough to utilise such an advantage.