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Which subjects may no longer be taught at secondary school?

Which subjects may no longer be taught at secondary school? awlb9
Music and Art are two subjects which are not part of the obligatory entrance exams in high schools and universities, except specialized ones. This is the reason why, such kind of disciplines, along with sports and even geography and history, are often neglected, and they are not given the necessary attention from the students. Art and Music comprise important content not only for one’s general knowledge, but they could also be an area for future self-improvement. In today’s educational system, the most important thing is to get excellent grade on finals, and of course, this could be done only when one’s test results are fitting to the system requirements. Creativity and originality are not recommended aside from specialized classes. It’s Art and Music, on which our children’s ingenuity and inspiration are based. This impulse, created in Art and Music classes, is catalyzer for their growth in every future direction of development. In support of above-mentioned is a research in "Neuroeducation: Learning, Arts and the Brain, " in which Johns Hopkins researchers shared findings showing that arts education can help to boost the brain in positive ways. From my personal standpoint, it is absolutely necessary these subjects to be a part of our educational system, no matter of grade. It is important to notice, that there is no strictly defined age limit under which one should have outlined for himself his personal interests and direction of development. Therefore, all the studied subjects are fields for potential personal evolvement for students. In addition, Music and Arts stimulate the brain and improve the memory. They also develop critical thinking, evolve cognitive functions and help students to perform better academically. I believe that our educational system is strong enough and there will be no need for cost savings at the cost of Music and Art. This will be lost for our children and for our society in their entirety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
are two subjects which are not part of the obligatory entrance exams in high schools and universities, except specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. This is the reason why, such kind of disciplines, along with sports and even geography and history, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglected, and they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the necessary attention from the students.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
comprise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
content not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for one’s general knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they could
also
be an area for future self-improvement.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excellent grade on finals, and
of course
, this could
be done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
results are fitting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
requirements. Creativity and originality are not recommended aside from specialized classes. It’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
, on which our children’s ingenuity and inspiration
are based
. This impulse, created in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
classes, is
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catalyzer
for their growth in every future direction of development. In support of above-mentioned is
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
in
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neuroeducation
: Learning,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
and the Brain,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
in which Johns Hopkins researchers shared findings showing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
education can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost the brain in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways.

From my personal standpoint, it is
absolutely
necessary these subjects to be a part of our educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, no matter of grade. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to notice, that there is no
strictly
defined age limit under which one should have outlined for himself his personal interests and direction of development.
Therefore
, all the studied subjects are fields for potential personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
evolvement
for students.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
stimulate the brain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the memory. They
also
develop critical thinking, evolve cognitive functions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to perform better
academically
.

I believe that our educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and there will be no need for cost savings at the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
. This will
be lost
for our children and for our society in their entirety.
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IELTS essay Which subjects may no longer be taught at secondary school?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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