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In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? v.2

In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? v. 2
Since the inception of human civilisation, the debate over the retirement age is widespread. Although people usually continue working after retirement, in most countries retirement is regulated. Some countries, with huge youth workforce, allow their citizens to retire early as 50. Similarly, countries that struggle with lack of workforce allow people to work more than 60 as 65 or 70 too.   However, there are few occupations which demand exceptions over age limits. For example: in politics, people work with no age limit as this occupation is paramount and requires significantly long and skilled experience and in the military, servicemen are allowed to actively serve till 45 years only as the job  necessitates impeccable physical fitness and dynamic adaptability. Firstly, countries with huge youth workforce have enacted rules to force an average worker to end their careers early at an age of 50.   Eminently, this decision is influenced by the requirement to engage maximum workforce to employment. Moreover, youth bring extra energy and new innovative ideas to turn jobs more productive and less costly. However, even in these countries, we find retired people working as freelancers after retirement as early retirement for most is not a rewarding experience, and in most cases, early retirement does not suffice all monetary requirements. For example: officially, China, a country with the largest youth and overall population, doesn't allow its citizens to work after 50. Secondly, some countries like Poland, Iceland etc. allow their citizens to work till 70 as these countries are enduring with low workforce and high ageing people, who hold a major share of the population.   Obviously, this has some repercussions over the productivity. But, many people support this idea as this allows them to muster enough money and resources to spend happy and independent life afterwards. For example, Austria,   a country with the highest share of senior citizens, allow people to work till 70, and in order to tackle the issue, the country has announced a skilled migration scheme to attract skilled workers from other countries. In conclusion, I believe that a retirement age should be selected after intensive research into a country's job market, population ratio and other factors impacting society. Also, certain occupations must be vetted differently as they required some specific skills. For example, politicians mustn't be barred after any age, and similarly, servicemen must get retired after 50.
Since the inception of human
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
, the debate over the
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retirement
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age
is widespread. Although
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people
usually
continue working after
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retirement
, in most
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countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is regulated
.
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Some
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countries
, with huge
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youth
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workforce
,
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allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
to retire
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early
as 50.
Similarly
,
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countries
that struggle with lack of
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workforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than 60 as 65 or 70 too.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
However
, there are few occupations which demand exceptions over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limits. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: in politics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit as this occupation is paramount and requires
significantly
long and skilled experience and in the military, servicemen are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
actively
serve till 45 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as the job
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
necessitates impeccable physical fitness and dynamic adaptability.

Firstly
,
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countries
with huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
have enacted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to force an average worker to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
their careers
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early
at an
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age
of 50.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Eminently
, this decision
is influenced
by the requirement to engage maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
to employment.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
bring extra energy and new innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to turn jobs more productive and less costly.
However
, even in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, we find retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working as freelancers after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
as
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early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
for most is not a rewarding experience, and
in most cases
,
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early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
does not suffice all monetary requirements. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
:
officially
, China, a
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country
with the largest
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youth
and
overall
population, doesn't
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allow
its
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citizens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after 50.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
like Poland, Iceland etc.
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allow
their
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citizens
to
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work
till 70 as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are enduring with low
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workforce
and high
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
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people
, who hold a major share of the population.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Obviously
, this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
repercussions over the productivity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
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many
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people
support this
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idea
as this
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allows
them to muster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money and resources to spend happy and independent life afterwards. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Austria,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with the highest share of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
till 70, and in order to tackle the issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has announced a skilled migration scheme to attract skilled workers from other countries.

In conclusion
, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
be selected
after intensive research into a country's job market, population ratio and other factors impacting society.
Also
, certain occupations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be vetted
differently
as they required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, politicians mustn't
be barred
after any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, and
similarly
, servicemen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retired after 50.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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