Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? v.1

In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? v. 1
Mandatory retirement age varies from society to society, perhaps a reflection of economics, population pressures or simply value systems. Indeed, retirement at 50 can probably be as easily justified as that at 70. It is my belief, however, that the longer an able person is allowed to work, the better for both the individual worker and the employer. Chronological age is not always a true indicator of ability. While some 65-year-olds may not perform as well as they did in their past, many workers at this age do just as well or better than they used to. People's suitability for a position should be a reflection of their performance in the job, rather than the number of wrinkles or grey hairs they have. Employers concerned about the increasing age of their employees need only observe their work records. Those doing poorly may be asked to retire, but those as yet unaffected by age should stay on. Indeed, it would appear economical for an organisation to retain its older employees when possible rather than spend time and money on training new workers. Remaining in one's job for as long as one is able makes sense as life expectancies increase around the world. As people live longer, they are longer able to contribute to society in the form of meaningful work. But they are also in need of income for a longer period, so a mandatory retirement age of 55 for someone who is statistically likely to live to 77 becomes increasingly difficult to justify. At a time when populations are ageing, governments are less able to provide for their senior citizens, so by keeping able workers in paid employment for as long as is practicable, public expenditures are less strained. Thus, workers who can still demonstrate their capacity to carry out their work should not be asked to retire simply because they have reached a certain age. Societies that insist on early retirement may do well to look again at their policies.
Mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
varies from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, perhaps a reflection of economics, population pressures or
simply
value systems.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at 50 can
probably
be as
easily
justified as that at 70. It is my belief,
however
, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the better for both the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
and the employer.

Chronological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is not always a true indicator of ability. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
65-year-olds may not perform
as well
as they did in their past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Did you mean "as well as or better than"?
as well or better than
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's suitability for a position should be a reflection of their performance in the job,
rather
than the number of wrinkles or
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
hairs they have. Employers concerned about the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of their employees need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
observe their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
records. Those doing
poorly
may
be asked
to retire,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those as
yet
unaffected by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should stay on.
Indeed
, it would appear economical for an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to retain its older employees when possible
rather
than spend time and money on training new workers.

Remaining in one's job for as long as one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense as life expectancies increase around the world. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the form of meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they are
also
in need of income for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 55 for someone who is
statistically
likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
to 77 becomes
increasingly
difficult to justify. At a time when populations are
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to provide for their senior citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in paid employment for as long as is practicable, public expenditures are less strained.

Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who can
still
demonstrate their capacity to carry out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should not
be asked
to retire
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have reached a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Societies
that insist on early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
may do well to look again at their policies.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts